Autism: Surviving and Thriving

Fourteen years ago my youngest 3 boys were diagnosed with autism within a 9 month span. Devastation and grieving followed. Doctors gave me little or no hope, but they didn't know me very well. I refused to believe that my boys were doomed.

My boys are now young men, adults with autism. They are thriving, but every day presents its turmoil and challenges.

My family: husband Mike, sons Ryan 23 yr, Nicholas 21 yr, and Cameron 18 yr. (Ryan and Nick have autism; Cam has recovered from autism.) Our oldest sons, Michael 34 yr and Stuart 25 yr, moved out of the house. Ryan has also moved out, and is still working towards complete independence.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Pondering the Twelve Days of Christmas


It started out of 2 needs. I wanted to celebrate the real Christmas season, and I needed to not spend a lot of money.

In the early years of our marriage, I saw how the materialism was ruining Christmas. All the commercials were enticing my young boys. Toys, trucks, games, etc. "I want this, Mom." To show how bad the commercialism impacted my sons, one said, "If you won't buy it for me, I'll tell my grandpa, and he'll get it for me." He said this with absolute assurance that his grandfather would get it. The sad part is--he was right. His grandfather loved to spoil him. There is nothing wrong with grandparents expressing their love through gift-giving. However, when a grandchild EXPECTS it, that is NOT acceptable.

The commercialism also made the Christmas season the time BEFORE Christmas, not the 12 days following. I wanted to teach my boys what the "liturgical calendar" was vs the "retail calendar". Christmas does not END on December 25. The Christmas Season truly STARTS on Christmas Day.

The other reason that prompted our celebrating the 12 Days of Christmas was money; there was the lack of funds to purchase these tokens of love, those gifts. We were not starving, but finances were slim. Extras just didn't exist. So how could I provide a modest yet meaningful Christmas?

My husband and I decided that the 12 Days of Christmas were a perfect answer. We could space out the gifts, one per day. We could take advantage of the sales the days after Christmas when tons of items were half price. We could easily stretch what little money we had to purchase a bit more.

The effect was wonderful. On Christmas Day the boys opened gifts from relatives. They also opened that special gift that Santa brought. The next day they could open another present which appeared that morning under the tree. The next day also produced a new round of gifts. Needless to say, the boys enjoyed opening presents daily. Each present was thoroughly enjoyed. The boys were not overwhelmed by a ton of items all at once. That is incredibly important for kids with autism. There was no let-down that usually comes from the "that's it!" idea. Clean up was also much EASIER. Learning to put new things away was simpler as well. Each item found its home daily, rather than stashing lots of stuff in a closet.

So what did I give each day? Most of the gifts were simple: a pack of gum, a soda, movie tickets, board games or a deck of cards. Sometimes gifts were necessities, like socks or shoes. Some presents were very individualized, like music. Others were family oriented. As the boys have grown, we have moved toward the family experiences: dinner out, a day at the beach, bowling, miniature golf, and Disneyland.

The focus of Christmas is so easily lost in our trying to show our love via an item. Scrambling to the stores and malls has turned into a zoo. People get hurt or trampled on Black Friday. The birth of Our Lord is diminished through such chaos. We have tried to show our boys that gift giving should reflect the love of Our Father through the birth of His Son. Christ was born in a humble manger. He didn't require silk and satin. Likewise, our tokens of love don't have to be diamonds and emeralds. The gift of self is the best. It does not cost anything, yet it is priceless!
photo credit:brockvicky