Remnants of Autism: Language Still Weakness

Cameron!

I started home schooling Cam last week.  Part time.  He's in honors classes in math and science, so I'm not pulling him out of those classes.  I am starting with a few classes, specifically English.

Why?  In the local junior high, the class is actually called Language Arts.  AND it's a joke. Cameron was enrolled in ANOTHER English class to improve his LANGUAGE ARTS grade because Cameron doesn't write well. Does that make sense?

 I emailed the teacher a few times to ask why she is not teaching grammar and writing.  Her answers were not direct.  I met with the teacher, and her responses were "commercials".  They really seemed to be well rehearsed lines from the salesman who sold the district on the new Language Arts program that has been "tested throughout the nation and parents are thrilled with the subject matter."  Well, not this parent. 

Although Cameron was "UN"diagnosed with autism last year, any language-based subject is a weakness for Cameron.  So far, he's responding very well to home instruction, but he's a typical pre-teen. He is spunky and spirited.  He is curious, always needing input.

Cameron admits to being lazy, but when focused, he blasts through a ton of info.  He's quick to grasp the concepts.  I definitely have to stay 2-3 (or more) steps ahead.

Autism or not, this kid will challenge me more than I'll challenge him!

Autism and Music: Part IV The Rewards

Mike and I playing Alpine Snowfall

One of my favorite parts of school was missing class.  In grade school and high school I played for the choir.  Whenever we had field trips or extra practices, I thoroughly enjoyed missing my regular classes--thanks to being able to play the piano.

I also liked getting paid.  When I was 11 or 12, I played for my first wedding and funeral.  The organists didn't show up, and I volunteered (or was volunteered via my dad) to fill in.  I was surprised to get $25.  That was a lot of money back then.  It sure beat babysitting too!

Another great moment was when my oldest son, Mike, and I played a duet.  It was called Alpine Snowfall.  We played it many times that year--many recitals as well as for our own enjoyment.  Mike was 16.  I never thought I'd hear him ask me to practice WITH him.  We had a blast!

When Mike was 21, he thanked me for pushing him on the piano.  He is now 28 and owns his own piano.  He plays for his daughter.  That is success!

Nick before performing at a band concert

My other boys may not admit it, but they have experienced some great rewards due to their music and piano background.  ALL of them have played a second instrument.  Some of them play even a third or more.  Instruments include violin, trumpet, clarinet, sax, and several percussion instruments.

Stuart has pursued music to the collegiate level.  He earned a few scholarships.    Ryan has taught piano to several little kids over the summer.  Nick is in his sixth year in band in the school.  Cameron just finished two years of trumpet lessons.

There have been so many benefits of music and piano for my boys.  I love taking them to concerts.  Over the summer we enjoyed a concert tribute to Billy Joel and Elton John.  The boys were thoroughly entertained.  A concert we recently attended was by a male pianist/composer, but his music was very different than rock.  His music was classical.  All the boys liked it.  Nick insisted that I buy two CDs.  I asked, "Why?"  He simply replied, "I don't want to share."

I hope that my sons will continue to play throughout their lives.  There is no end to what music can do. 

Autism and Music: Another Door Opens - Part III

Nick age 2

Most people will not let their youngsters near that costly piece of furniture.  Not me.  My boys were encouraged to play my digital or grand piano at a very young age.  I wasn't so keen on all of them playing at once, so I purchased other keyboards or bells.

At a young age, most children have a natural sense of rhythm and are drawn to music.  To keep my boys interested in playing the piano, I knew I had to keep music fun.  I thought of what I liked and enjoyed from my own teachers, and I incorporated those techniques in my own teaching method.  If I thought of something that I didn't like from my former teachers, I didn't use it with my own students, especially my own boys.

Michael age 14

The first thing I don't do is insist that the lesson always be at the piano.  A typical lesson is 30 minutes, and sitting that long for some kids is painful.  When I see a student squirm, we get up.  Rhythm can be taught away from the keyboard, so we focus on rhythm.  I stomp the rhythm on the floor, and my student imitates.  Or I might get a drum to beat, and then offer the drum to my student to copy.  This is just one example of trying to keep the musical experience enjoyable.

Ryan age 3

This worked well for my boys too.  Movement for them was important.  I didn't know my boys had autism when they were so young, but reflecting back, movement helped them integrate into our world.  Ryan and Cameron were spinners.  They could spin for hours if I let them.  I later learned this was a way for them to relieve stress.

Now the boys are older, and the protests abound.  "I'd rather finish my computer game," anyone of them might say.  One time Ryan said he had to finish his chores before he could play the piano.  Well, not much has changed.  I thought of excuses too, but my parents simply said, "Piano, now."

To minimize the conflict, I let the boys pick music that appeals to them.  Movie themes, by far, are the most requested.  Musical selections from Pirates of the Caribbean, Lord of the Rings, or any John Williams tune are the most sought after.  Of course, songs on the radio also inspire my sons.  However, the more advanced they get, the more traditional or classical the music pieces become.  Mozart and Beethoven are never far out of reach.

When they have learned a piece, they have such a sense of accomplishment.  The self discipline required balances out this "instant-gratification" culture of ours. 

Part IV:  the rewards.

Autism and Music: Another Door Opens - Part II

All five of my boys play the piano.  It has never been a question of IF but WHEN to start them.

I started teaching my oldest son, Michael, during the summer when he turned 4 years old.  It was a matter of keeping him occupied more than my thinking he was a musical prodigy.  Michael was a very active, curious boy, so I needed to give him "input".  He liked playing the piano, and he learned quickly.  I was impressed.

By Christmas time he was playing Old Little Town of Bethlehem.  Or so I thought he could play it.  Within a few days he was in tears.  He whimpered out that he was very frustrated.  ??  I learned that I could not be Mom and Piano Teacher simultaneously.  I had kept pushing him, even after his lesson.  I had to stop.  I didn't want him hating the piano as I did.

The first thing I did was wait to continue any lessons.  I waited until he started clunking on the keys again.  I decided, through an evolutionary process, that I couldn't teach him as a regular student.  Michael had learned enough music that he could start a song.  He naturally asked me for help when he had something new.  I taught him that particular element and then left him alone.  This worked.

As the years rolled on, Michael played.  The younger brothers imitated Michael.  Stuart pestered me, "What am I going to play for the next recital?"  Thus started Stuart on the piano.  He learned songs just to play for recitals.  I always gave students the choice of music to play for recitals.  This worked incredibly well for Stuart.

The color-coded notes

Ryan, Nick, and Cam followed suit.  They all banged on the piano.  To save my grand piano,  I purchased a book that had a keyboard.  It was color coordinated, so that the notes matched the keys.  They learned Christmas carols in this book.  Although Ryan couldn't talk, he did point.  I could teach him what he wanted to know.  This was critical for all the boys. They learned easily by "hands-on" and by "sight".

Michael met music with much success.  In junior high he provided the music for several musical performances.  He taught, played at church, and worked a few piano events.  He developed a reputation for being incredibly musically inclined.  As music technology increased, so did Michael's time on the piano.  I purchased a digital piano, and Michael ended up teaching me how to use all the tools.

The digital piano opened creative doors to Michael.  He started writing and recording his own arrangements to popular songs.  Again, Stuart followed suit.  The technology appealed them.  Although playing the piano at school wasn't cool with male peers, the piano did impress the girls.  Consequently, my boys continued to play!

The recent years will be covered in Part III.

Autism and Music: Another Door Opens - Part I

Cam, Ryan, Nick after a recital

The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree.  I grew up playing the piano.  I never had a choice, and now I teach piano.  Rather ironic.  I hated practicing daily, and now I ask my students to do exactly that.  My boys are no exception.  I am mom.  I am also piano teacher.  They would rather not practice.  They can think of so many other things to do.

Bummer.

I remember the day I met my piano teacher.  My dad whistled, and my siblings and I fell in line from oldest to youngest.  If you've seen the musical, The Sound of Music, you know what I'm talking about.  My dad introduced this lady to us.  "Her name is Miss Sherry. She is your piano teacher.  Who is going first?"  My siblings and I looked at each other, wondering who wanted this.  No one answered.  My dad answered his own question then, "Oldest to youngest."  So started years of piano lessons, practice sessions, and recitals.

Over the years I grew to like the instrument, especially when I was able to play music of my own choice.  Music opened doors for me.  At a very young age I was performing and playing for people.  Whether I was playing at church or in school, I played the piano.  Sometimes I'd play for friends if requested.  I accompanied a few opera singers and other musicians.  I met close friends via music.  Little did I know this would become a way to communicate with my children with autism.  Looking back, I see I related to many people from all walks of life through music.

Teaching music was my first job.  At the ripe age of 14 I started teaching.  Of course, I became serious and earned my certification when I turned 30.  Teaching music has allowed me to stay home and be with my boys.  If there is ever a need at school or therapy, I am able to go immediately.  I can attend their dietary needs.

Music is also a therapy of sorts for me.  I can play Beethoven if I need to let off steam.  I can play Beatles or Queen to have fun.  Playing movie themes relieves stress.  I can have a few minutes of freedom. 

When the boys were young, they were never far away. They'd dance. They'd climb on my lap and play the piano via the "bang" method.  I'd let them plop their hands of the ivories, and their faces would light up on the sound they created.  Being around the piano was a way for us to connect when the boys couldn't talk.  We could smile and have fun simply by playing "sounds".  It didn't have to be music, per say.  Just sitting together and pushing the keys.  We had a good time.

Now the boys all play on their own.  They play and perform.  Teenage boys with autism can and do!

How do I get them to do that?  That will be Part II.

Husband's Birthday, But Who Is He?

Mike

Today is Mike's birthday.  I have known him for 24 years.  We met at the hospital where we worked.  We kept it quiet from most people.  The hospital grapevine was better, faster, more efficient than the twitter of today.  When I first met Mike, he always had a smile on his face.  No matter what he was doing, his smile beamed.  That's probably what drew me to him.  I like being around happy people.

Then there were Sam and Evelyn.  They were an older couple who volunteered at the hospital.  Although they were in their 80s, they were active, sharp, and witty.  Very astute and wise too.  Not much could pass their eyes as they sat at the front desk to greet visitors.  Even the people who would try to sneak in stuff to patients' rooms.  These two volunteers would gently, but firmly remind these people the rules of the hospital and the safety of their loved ones.

Mike with his sister Dana

I am not sure when Sam and Evelyn figured out there was "something about Mike and Sheryl", but figure it out they did!

Sam and Evelyn let me know exactly what they thought of Mike.  I couldn't pass their desk without hearing something about Mike.  Every time they talked about Mike, it was high praise.  "He is a quiet, hard working, clean cut young man.  He will take good care of you."

One time Sam scared me.  He grabbed my arm, and said he had to talk with me.  I thought there was trouble, but Sam just wanted to tell me how Mike helped him.  Sam ended with, "You have a good man."

Then there was Kim.  Kim was the person who knew every problem in the world.  If there was some negative vibe, she would "share" with everyone how wrong it was.  Kim, sadly, lived in a pessimistic world.  Nonetheless, when Kim told me about Mike, there was NOTHING bad she could say about him.  She assured me, "If there were something wrong with him, I'd let you know."  What a testimony!

Of course, there were others who voiced their opinions about Mike.  Most of it is positive. The only people who would say something negative about my husband are those who do not value honor, truth, family, etc.

Mike has been a great spouse.  I can't imagine what he thinks when I lose my temper or when I get frustrated dealing with aspects of autism.  He listens and guides me.  He encourages me to take time away when needed--something I never dreamed of doing until 18 months ago.  Mike has been the source of peace and strength for me.  Going through life with him has been a great joy.  Even with autism.

I am glad my boys have such a wonderful example!  Even though it is Mike's birthday, he has given us the gift of his love and life.

Autism: Understanding How To Vote

Two weeks ago was the presidential election.  This was Ryan's first major election to vote.  We decided to do it together.  This decision was based on previous experience!

In late August Ryan voted for the first time.  By mail.  He expressed that he wanted to vote without help.  OK.  So Mike and I presented the sample ballot, the pamphlets describing the local issues and candidates.  We both emphasized to Ryan that he needed to take his time reading and understanding all the information. , We showed him how to cast his vote on the ballot.  We instructed him to fold the ballot, and then sign and seal the envelope.

Within a few days, his ballot was ready to mail, and he did so.  I was impressed that Ryan took on the whole process.  He had asked a few questions, but he made a very clear point:  he wanted to be independent in his voting.  OK.

The day after the small election we received a ballot addressed to Ryan.  I was confused.  Why was he receiving a ballot after the election?  Then it hit me.  He must have checked "the box" which indicates that the ballot was no good, that he made a mistake.  When Ryan arrived home, I asked him if he had made a mistake on his ballot.  No.  I asked if he put an X in the box on the outside of the envelope.  Yes.

So much for his independent vote.  It was not going to count this time!

I explained to Ryan (again) what that box was for.  He said he understood.  I asked then why he checked it.  He thought he had to because it said to do so.  (Check box...)  This is classic.  He understood the concept, but it didn't carry over to application.

Consequently, we went through the voting process together.  Ryan was free to vote as he saw fit, but Mike and I explained each office, each proposition, each candidate.  When Ryan was done voting, we watched him put his ballot in the envelope, seal it, and sign it.  AND NO checking the box!  This time his vote did count.

Nothing like learning from experience.

Cacti Garden: Project Done!

Before the work began.  Dead plant.

The boys finished the cacti garden the next day.  It's just taken me a few weeks to get the photos.  They worked well together, although they did ask if they could stop and finish "later" or "tomorrow".  I kept them on task.  When they were done, they were very proud of their work.

Each boy had his own cactus or succulent that was special to him, but they worked together to space out the plants.  Ryan figured out quickly how not to get pricked by the spines.  He used the plastic container that the cactus came in.  He simply flipped the container over and guided the top of the plant where he wanted it.  Then he quickly filled in the dirt around the plant.  Cameron tried not to use anything, but in the end, he admitted he needed gloves.  Nick just kept quietly digging and filling dirt without a word.

Ryan in front.  Cameron in the red shirt.  Nick in the back.

It's been two weeks, and they are very concerned about watering the cacti garden.  I have to remind them that cacti don't need water.  Hence, one of the reasons we picked to add them to our landscape.  Less water, less $$ out.

They periodically go out to check on the growth of the garden.  Ryan is especially proud of his saguaro.  It'll be the biggest cactus in the garden in a few years.

I can't wait to see how the plants progress and how each boy looks after garden in the coming months and years.

Finally done!

Autism and Sensory Issues: Cacti Garden

In the Southwest, this is the perfect time of year to enjoy outside activities.  The boys agreed to pull out a huge, dead vine and put in a cactus garden.  The dead plant didn't receive enough water, so what else would make sense but to plant items that don't need much water?

Secretly, I had an ulterior motive.  I have noticed that some sensory issues are creeping back.  It has been over a year since Ryan and Nick have received any occupational therapy.  This type of therapy has helped them overcome a vast array of sensory issues.  For example, they can now wear jeans.  When they were younger, all they could tolerate on their skin was cotton.  Jeans were too itchy and heavy for them.  It took about 5-10 years for them to overcome clothing issues.

Anyways, at the autism conference last month I noticed Ryan could not wear his name badge.  It was attached to a cord that was suppose to go around his neck.  It lasted 10 minutes on his neck.  Throughout the day he tried to wear it because it was "required" to get in and out of the conference rooms.  Nonetheless, it never stayed around his neck for more than 10 minutes.

To deal with the sensory issues, I decided to use soil.  However, I needed to be creative.  The boys are not big fans of "therapies".  Thus, the idea of a cactus garden was born.  Dry dirt, wet mud, hard clay, icky weeds, and dead vines were attacked today.  The boys tolerated most of these items as long as I kept them busy.  If one stopped with the chore, suddenly the gunk on his hands bothered him.  Each one wanted to take a break and wash his hands.  I knew if they stopped, there'd be no getting them back on task.  Consequently, I was a benevolent dictator today.

I worked side by side with them.  Cut, pull, dig.  It took a few hours, but we finished pulling out the weeds and the dead plant.  We filled two garbage cans with the debris.  I was amazed at how well this team of autistic teens worked together.

After cleaning up and eating any food available, we went cacti shopping.  We found a wonderful array of inexpensive succulents and cacti.  Nick made the request for blue plants, and we actually found two blue cacti.  Cameron found a beautiful plant called a silver torch.  Cam discovered the soft, white "cotton" on the cactus belied the hidden sharp spines.  "Ouch," he exclaimed with astonishment.

Tomorrow we plant the new arrivals!  I have a feeling tomorrow will bring a new round of sensory issues:  planting and avoiding the spines.

photo credit:Clinton Steeds' photostream (200)

Autism and Balancing Life: Mary vs Martha

Mary and Martha with Christ

Mary vs Martha? 

It has been a very busy week with the end of the quarter.  My younger three boys are in junior high or high school.  Projects, tests, assignments abound.  Autism in the mix makes for a wonderfully chaotic week!

Today is Friday, and now I get to catch up on the necessities of running the house.  Bills, paperwork, follow-up on insurance, doctors, prescriptions, bank accounts, housework, laundry, etc.  I stress to the boys that work needs to be done before they can pursue fun activities.  My problem is I never seem to get to the fun activities myself.

A friend called this the Martha vs Mary syndrome.  I laughed.

Who are Martha and Mary?  They are sisters out of the New Testament.  Jesus visits them.  Mary chooses to listen to Jesus.  Martha works to prepare the meal.  Martha is disappointed that her sister leaves the preparations to Martha.  Consequently, Martha asks Jesus to instruct Mary to help with the workload.  Jesus responds, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; one thing is needful.  Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42

I guess you can say that the moral of the story is that the spirit needs to be fed first.  Then all other matters can be tended.   It comes down to priorities.

I used to lean towards Mary.  I could easily give up housework and chores for whatever reason.  Now I lean heavily towards Martha.  Duties need to be done. DONE.  Maybe I'm becoming obsessive-compulsive myself.  I see so many things needing my attention, and I'm overwhelmed.  So many things.

I teach my kids about balance. Sometimes I even say they need to do an hour of yard work (or homework) before an hour of leisure. I need to take my own advice.  I need to balance obligation and fun.  The cure to the Mary vs Martha syndrome is not one over the other.  Tis the balance of Mary AND Martha!

photo credit:http://www.danielim.com/2011/06/13/integrating-two-sides-mary-vs-martha-or-mary-and-martha/

Getting Through The End Of The Quarter Workload

Nearing the end of the quarter is not fun for teachers or students.  For an autistic teenager, it's an anxious-ridden, turbulent time.  If autism is coupled with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), it's a nightmare for the family. 

This last weekend Nicholas presented me with the work he had to accomplish.  He had a huge project due on Monday.  He also had a major test in that same class on Monday.  He had another project due later in the week.  This particular project required drawing and writing:  the two weaknesses of Nicholas.  There were other assignments and tests, also due on Monday.

Monday Morning Blues awaited, but we could lessen that impact with hard work.  The trick was to not let Nicholas feel anxiety.  Once that hits, game over.  That means he can't focus anymore.  Literally.

I spent the weekend working with Nick.  We prioritized.  What had to be done immediately?  What could we use as a "break"?  When I saw how much information this one test was going to cover, we instantly started studying.  I learned with him.  We focused on major concepts.  Then we added details.  Memory is Nick's strength.

When we had to take a break, we focused on the projects.  We alternated memorizing and projects.  Until 5pm Saturday evening.  I could see stress starting to build in Nick.  We had covered so much, yet we had much more to do.  I had to pace us--to keep going slowly but steadily.

By 6pm Nick's eyes revealed signs of anxiety.  We stopped.  I made a decision.  No more project work.  Nick's eyes widened.  I told him enough was enough.  He had to focus on one item.  I said the test was more important that the project.  I told him I'd email the teacher right away.  He was unsure, but he immediately sighed.  Really.  His shoulders relaxed.

I emailed the teacher about the situation, even saying that I assumed she would be understanding and generous.  I received a reply Sunday morning.  The teacher agreed to let Nick have an extension on the project.  She enlightened me that she knew Nick had been working on it since the project was assigned.  He was asking her questions daily.  So this definitely was not a case of procrastination.  I showed Nick the teacher's email, and he was happy.  Nick was happy.  :)

Nick came home yesterday, and he said that he thought he did well on the test.  It hadn't been graded, but he wasn't concerned.  Which is unusual.  He said he had to focus on the projects.  Last night we drafted three pages of his project, and he completed them.  Tonight we'll do the graphs and the written assignment.  That will be one project done.

Then the next project awaits.  Always, one at a time!

Sweet Sixteen Is Nicholas

Nick's 16 with Ryan, Mike, and Cam

Today is Nick's birthday.  We celebrated yesterday because Dad had a day off.  We kept it simple.  Nick chose a restaurant specifically for their gluten free pizza crusts and gluten free desserts.  He opened a few presents at home, and he was very happy with his new treasures.

Nick is now very happy that he is one step closer to getting his driving permit. He is taking drivers ed in school, but I'm not sure when he'll get that permit.  That is one decision we won't worry about today.

His band class sang happy birthday to him this morning.  Otherwise, Nick reported that it was a quiet, yet fun day.  We have a few little surprises left for tonight.  I didn't let him open every gift yesterday.

Happy Birthday, Nick!

Autism and Signing Documents

Paperwork!! Nobody likes paperwork, but it is one of those necessities of life.  Especially for kids with autism.  Adults with autism too.

Yesterday, Ryan signed his first set of legal documents.  He signed powers of attorney.  One was 13 pages long!  The others were only a few pages.  He diligently read each section that he was asked to initial.  He took his time.  At the end of each document he signed his name.  Carefully.  In cursive.  We rehearsed that.

For several weeks Mike and I have been talking with Ryan about growing up and taking responsibility.  That is something that Ryan isn't really keen on.  He definitely wants freedom and independence, but he's not really keen on the responsibility that comes with the territory of adulthood.

That can spell disaster for a typical 18 year old, but for an adult with autism who might be easily swayed, this is not something to take lightly.  Any wrong decision could be life altering for him.  And us.

I researched the different avenues we could pursue, as parents, for Ryan.  We want to protect him, while continuing to teach him about his choices in life.  We want him to continue to become independent from us, while minimizing risks.  It's really an oxymoron in logic.

I attended a few seminars about guardianship and "transitioning into adulthood".  I learned about the various types of guardianship that would require going to court to prove to a judge that Ryan is incompetent, completely or partially.  That would remove all or some rights for Ryan, like driving, voting, etc. I also learned about power of attorney that doesn't restrict Ryan's rights at all.  He authorizes us (or whomever he chooses) to make decisions or help him make decisions.  He retains his ability to make his choices independently, as well.
 
My gut reaction was the option of the power of attorney.  Mike agreed.  We explained the power of attorney concept to Ryan, and he liked that idea!  I found a special needs estate planner to draw up the documents.  Although I could have used any attorney, I want someone who specializes in this field.  It took a couple of weeks, and yesterday, Ryan signed those documents.

His first signing as an adult.

Autism and Adulthood

Ryan turned 18 a few weeks ago.  With that milestone, he transitions from childhood to adulthood.  When we're children, we can't wait for that big day!!!  However, as a parent, I could wait a bit longer.

Ryan is the third child of our five boys.  Since Mike and I have had two older boys turn 18, this transition was nothing knew.  Nonetheless, a son with autism turning 18 is vastly different.  Ryan has all the rights and responsibilities of an adult, and so many questions loom?  Does he have the maturity and capability of understanding choices he makes?  Will he take the initiative to solve problems he faces?  Can he make inquiries if necessary?  Can he handle his money efficiently?  How good are his life skills?  Some of these questions can be asked of neuro-typical (NT) teens.  The answers become even more vital for adults with special needs.

The first sign that concerned me was at a family gathering.  An uncle asked Ryan if he were ready to be an adult?  Ryan answered yes.  The conversation continued in typical question and answer style, ie relatives asking questions, and Ryan answering either yes or no.  UNTIL this question was posed:  "Do you want to do something different, take on more responsibility?"  Ryan answered with a sentence, "I want the least amount of  responsibility possible."

Really?  Reality check.

Since then I have been researching what are possibilities for Ryan in all aspects of life:  living arrangements, schooling, working, finance, etc.  Not that I haven't been doing that type of research already, but it became more intense and specified. What can an adult with autism potentially do?  Not just survive, but thrive?  There are so many cases of abuse and bullying adults with autism in group homes and in the work force.  It can be scary, but like everything else, we approach it as an adventure.

So onto another journey of life!

At The Conference

Ryan is in the top picture.  He is sitting next to
 the moderator, 3rd from left.

Photo Credit: AZ Assist

Ryan did very well at the convention. He sat thru some long talks, which were very informative to me. By 3pm he was tired-- social engagement is like a marathon to kids with autism. Took a break. By 4pm he was giving his presentation, complete with power point and special effects. He spoke clearly and slowly. A job well done. I am a very proud mama!

Autism Conference and Ryan

A few weeks ago Ryan was invited to give a presentation at an upcoming autism conference.  To my surprise, he accepted!  For a kid who didn't talk until he was 5 and has never really liked talking, this is HUGE.  Ryan will be part of a panel of young adults with autism.  They will speak individually about their lives with autism, and then they can focus on some aspect, whether it's their future, their education, or their outlook on life.

Last week we met with the coach and monitor of this panel.  Ryan was not comfortable at first, but he answered all of her questions.  He showed her how he'd use a microphone.  Basically, they covered the ground rules and expectations.  He said he understood everything.

In the last week I've had to push him to finish his presentation with slides.  He kept procrastinating, saying he'd work on it "tomorrow".  Finally on Tuesday, I said he needed to finish it, so he could practice his presentation with the slides.  I love how there is always tomorrow...

On Wednesday he gave his presentation to his grandparents.  They were quite happy!  Ryan spoke clearly and slowly.  Very deliberately.

I can't wait until tomorrow. 

Eating Healthy: Making My Own Vanilla Extract

Vanilla Beans

I can't buy vanilla extract without it having some sort of junk in it. Since I bake all the breads, cakes, etc from scratch, we go through a ton of vanilla. Consequently, I purchased vanilla beans a couple weeks ago.  The aroma from the beans was heaven scent.  Yes, pun intended, scent vs sent.  Dry humor...

Anyways, since I don't know much about hard liquor, I asked several people what kind of alcohol to soak the beans in. I received quite an array of suggestions, such as vodka, brandy, rum, and bourbon. My cousin recommended bourbon since it "inherently has vanilla notes."  He also said that brandy might be heavy, but might work as would a light rum.  That contrasts with my mother in law who said that brandy would be more mellow.  Most everyone agreed vodka is tasteless, so it would remain neutral.  I'd love to try all the suggestions.  I have enough vanilla beans.  However, the cost of liquor is a bit pricy for my checking account!

I ended up purchasing vodka and bourbon. I cut up the equivalent of 3 beans in inch sections per 1 cup of alcohol. Sealed bottles. Shook them. Placed in a dark closet. 

Will revisit them next Sun to shake again. Now we wait... some say 2 months, others say 6 months. I hope by Christmas season, I'll have some savory vanilla of my own. We'll see!

photo credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/acfou/

Coping with the Daily Turmoil of Autism

I was asked yesterday how I get through the daily turmoil of autism. I replied, "A lot of prayer" and... "one moment at a time." Makes me think, if I could remove the autism, of course, I would; however, I wouldn't remove one moment of my life with these boys. The challenges, tears, etc. I'd keep it all. I love my boys.

Happy Birthday, Ryan!

Ryan turned 18 over the weekend.  It was a happy occasion.  I started planning the day about a week ahead of time.  Having autism, Ryan doesn't have a lot of friends.  He talks with people, if they ask him a question.  However, extended conversations still elude Ryan.  Therefore, it is difficult to cultivate and maintain typical friendships.  Since this was a milestone, I wanted it to be memorable for Ryan.

I surprised him in the morning by taking him out for a birthday breakfast.  A local restaurant offers a free breakfast on the actual birth date.  He had no problem with that.  Ryan then visited a fellow home schooling family.  I knew Ryan wanted to go to Benihana's for dinner, but I had other plans in store for him.  So we went to lunch there.  He felt at ease since we had been there recently.  He gave a big smile when the camera came around, as compared to the photo taken about a month ago.  Ryan doesn't usually smile with such ease.

In the evening I ran some errands with the boys to keep them guessing where we were going.  I was successful for most of the ride.  Eventually, they guessed where we were destined, but they didn't guess a surprise party with extended family members.  We had a wonderful pool party with cousins and relatives.  Ryan enjoyed the surprise and the festivities.

I was very thankful that most relatives came.  It is very hard for a parent to celebrate events for teens with autism.  My sister's comment illustrated the point.  Her daughter asked why Ryan wasn't celebrating with his friends? My sister had to explain to her daughter that autism can inhibit communication with others. So even kids who know Matthew quite well don't fully comprehend what it's like socially for a teen with autism.  That circle of friends that seems so typical of teenagers doesn't necessarily exist for these autistic kids.

It's always a question for the parents:  how to fill that void?  I'm not sure there is an answer.

For now, I'm glad that Ryan had a happy birthday, and we continue to work on conversation skills. 

School Supplies--Free Flash Drive Offer

Ryan came home from school with a list of needed items.  I glance over the list of usual items, but there is an unusual one:  a flash drive.

So I am no tech guru, as my children are.  I am very comfortable living with pen and paper and a rotary phone.  However, my children like the technological advances.  I have always looked at some of these tools as luxury items, but school is now making these tools a necessity.  And these are not cheap when multiple kids are involved.

When a friend of mine posted about this opportunity, I knew I had to pursue it: a free 2GB flash drives from USB Memory Direct.  There is helpful information already loaded on the flash drive, geared to help moms.  The 75 tips cover topics such as school lunches and snacks, homework, and after school activities.

You can find more information here as well as on Facebook and Twitter.

Who couldn't use helpful information AND free school supplies?

By posting this promotion, I am eligible to receive a free flash drive.  I receive no additional compensation.

Posh Traveling Improvised

Ryan, Nick, and Cam with me

One of our summer endeavors has been to expose the boys to different ethnic restaurants because the boys still have sensory issues.  We'd love to travel to various countries, but money dictates creativity.   I set the boys on a hunt:  to find restaurants with different ethnic or cultural foods.  The computer blazed, and we found several different places.

We "travel" to a different country every time, which saves on airline costs. HA. Most of the restaurants are family owned.  We have tried to stay away from the chain restaurant, but how they enjoyed Benihana! This place was infused with entertainment.  The boys loved seeing the food sizzle in front of them.  The chef amazed them with tricks like flipping the bowls into his hat.  Quite a show.

The different country aspect is all a part of expanding their horizons with various tastes, textures, cultures. etc.  They are now not as sensitive to unfamiliar smells, sounds, tastes, etc., as they were at the beginning of summer. So this "therapy" is working!  Tis amazing how thinking outside the box has helped our boys.

What Was Public Transit Like For Teens With Autism?

Adventurous.  Courageous.  Thrilling.  Suspenseful.  Confusing.  Just a few words that describe our voyage on the bus and light rail.  Of course, it also depends on which boy answers that question.

We went with a group arranged by AZ Assist which is a local group formed to help young adults transition to adulthood.  AZ Assist had planned this "field trip", complete with a "tour guide" from Valley Metro, the company who runs the transportation.  There were many people of different ages.  It was a bit noisy for Ryan and Nick, but they were committed to the journey on which we had embarked.

We stepped on the bus and sat in the back as there was no room to sit in the front.  We sat on the very last row, which reverberated with the air conditioner.  It was so loud that we could not hear what our tour guide was saying in the front of the bus.  Ryan and Nick were able to survive the noise by enjoying the scenery outside the windows.  It was dark, so we could see all the lights in businesses that we passed.

Young Cam asked how do we let the bus driver know when we want to get off?  BINGO.  Good question.  Cam said he could yell to the driver.  I have no doubt he could, but not the best answer.  We found small red buttons on poles along the bus that said STOP. Someone pushed it, and the bus came to a stop at the next scheduled stop along its route.

After a short ride on the bus, our group of about 50 people vacated the bus.  We waited at the light rail station for a few minutes.  We learned how to purchase and validate a pass on the machine. Then we entered a train-like vehicle.  It was a quiet ride compared to the bus.  The boys thoroughly enjoyed the light rail more than the bus.  We showed the boys the map of the light rail, so they knew how to find the stops.  There is no access to the driver on the light rail, so the boys need to know where to find information.

About ten minutes later, we emerged from the light rail train. We had finished our quest.  On our trip home, I asked the boys what they thought about the trip.  Ryan said if was fine, but he declined to share more.  Nick said he was confused, but he offered a solution.  He said he would learn to drive a car.  Cam said it was fun to push the button on the bus.

Obviously, this was a new adventure, and we will need to repeat it.  This was a trip out of their comfort zone, but it was a step in the direction of independence.

Life Skills: Public Transit

I took the boys on a life skills quest yesterday evening. We took public transportation, ie valley metro. We went on the bus then transferred to the light rail in Tempe. One son gets it. The other is more confused. The youngest figured everything out within minutes. It was a great experience because I'm really getting to see how the boys might respond as adults on their own.

Adaptation

The whole family has been on vacation since Sunday (so I won't be writing directly about my past "breaks" from the family today).  There have been minor catastrophes along the way, but the boys are showing great resilience.  On Sunday, our air conditioner went out in the van.  Not fun when driving through the desert of Arizona and California in the afternoon.  I purchased small hand-held fans, which helped a bit.   However,  it was 109 degrees outside.  The boys understood that it was going to be a hot ride, and they didn't complain.

We tried to get the van fixed when we arrived in Northern CA.  Unfortunately, the dealership had to order the part, and it would take a few days to arrive.  Consequently, we had to get a rental car.    So now the boys are riding an an unfamiliar car.  Again, with minimal stress.  The car is smaller than the van, so teen boys are having to adapt to smaller quarters.  Adaptation is not easy for autistic kids, yet they seem to be handling the transitions well.

I don't think this would have been possible even two years ago.  The boys' therapies have paid off incredibly.   We have tried to push the transitions and sensory issues with baby steps through the years, ie getting used to light, sounds, and textures as well as changes in schedules and routines.  We have talked with the boys as each of these current changes have happened, trying to ease them into the new circumstances.  So through the therapies, including speech, they are doing very well so far.

Today we will be traveling in this smaller car to the coast and Redwoods, spending a lot of time in the car.  Twill be interesting to see if they stay calm!

Beach: Solace and Peace

Why the beach?  Well, it holds happy memories for me.  I grew up within a few miles from the beach.  Being fair skinned, I never went to the beach to get a tan.  I went for specific reasons or occasions, ie a family reunion, hotdog/marsh mellow roast, or a jog along the coast.

Besides happy memories, the beach is the only place I know that encompasses all the senses:  hearing the waves, feeling the sand, tasting the water, seeing the sunset, and smelling the ocean air.  At first the beach is a place of solace, offering alleviation from stress and strain.  Stay long enough, the beach becomes a place of peace, transforming strife to serenity.

I also find my Creator here.  Although the beach is never silent, the natural sounds and beauty enable me to still my mind.  I find myself in awe of nature, its creation, always leading me to its Creator.

That is where the real journey begins.

Happy Marriage

The first item I need to address is our marriage.  When I have talked about being away from home, most people have jumped to the conclusion that my marriage is in trouble.  Or over.  Neither is the case.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.

We have a happy marriage. I gain strength from my husband.  He is one of the most patient and selfless men I know.  He says that I don't drive him crazy.  That is a wonder in itself.  Probably a miracle.  I drive myself crazy at times.  How can I NOT drive him crazy?  Yet I believe him.  He is a man of great integrity.

Mike has told me a few times that marriage is about acceptance.  He accepts me.  He knows I'll try my best.  My best may be short-lived.  Quite often, it is, but he doesn't need to know exactly how often!

I admire my husband.  He truly amazes me, even after 21 years of marriage.  Next month it will be 22 years.  Not many couples have endured autism, but then again, I am sure there are couples who have endured more than we have.

This isn't about the thresh-hold of our marriage.  It is that we are married.  We are committed to each other.  We love each other.  We trust each other.  That particular vow of "for better or worse"... resonates. 

It's like St Paul says in chapter 14 of his letter to the Corinthians, love is patient; love is kind, et al.

St Paul describes my husband.

Mom-cations: A Medical Necessity

Mike with 2 yr Andrew and 2 day Matt

I am at the beach.  Again.  For the last year I have been taking time out from the hectic life of being a mom.  A mom of special needs kids.  A self-employed mom.  A former-home schooling mom.  An active participant in the school mom.  Not to mention all the entities of just being a mom.

It's been a tough three years actually.  Tougher than some of the other years.  I think it has been the culmination of years of dealing with autism.  A few close friends thought that I might be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, they concurred that I needed a break.

So break I did.  The boys were older, and my husband encouraged me to go for a few days.

What transpired amazed me.  When I was gone, I wanted to do something that I never did at home.  So I took photographs to put in a scrapbook.  The above photo made me laugh and cry.  It was life before autism.  All the hope and joy of having babies are captured in my husband's smile.

As I arranged these photos, I reminisced.  It was therapeutic.  I was quite happy creating a book and remembering those sweet moments of my sons' young lives.  The few days spent away from my family gave me time to breath from the daily grind.  It also gave me a positive outlet.

I return a bit happier and rested, but the boys don't give any quarter in their game of life.  Game face on.

Cameron Turns Twelve

It's been a week since we signed off all special education services for Cam.  When we told him that he would no longer receive services, he smiled and insisted on a "high five".  Later in the week we went hiking.  He couldn't resist climbing on a rock "not too far from the trail".  He struck the pose that just summarizes his spirit:  I can do anything!

He is a spunky character.  That has recently been our challenge, and I can see that he will continually push the boundaries.  I never wish to break his spirit, but boy, his spirit definitely needs to be channelled.

He is a curious creature, and temptation can lead him into trouble.  Being the youngest of five brothers, he tries to keep up with them, and that isn't always a good thing.  Making choices without some much needed maturity does lead him astray, so teaching him is always a constant.  Absolutely no rest on my part.

Today Cam is 12.  So I look forward to another year of surprises and growth from our youngest.  I never thought I'd see the day when Zach is full of life, free from autism.

Happy Birthday, Cameron!

Can Autism Be Cured? Seems So!!!!

Today Mike and I signed papers that totally released Cam, our youngest son, from all services at school.  That means NO MORE IEPs for Cam.  We gave permission for his speech pathologist to test Cam.  The results indicated that he is well within the range of typical kids.  Some areas he was above normal, at normal, and below normal.

Time to celebrate!!!

I take this to mean that Cameron is NT:  neuro-typical.

I am not sure what normal is anymore, so this will be a new experience for me.   After having so many special needs to deal with for so many years, I now need to educate myself as to what is normal.  For a pre-teen boy.  Cam turns 12 in a few weeks.

It has been a long haul for Cam.  He was born a very normal boy who met all of his milestones on time or early, as did his brothers.  After receiving many shots in his first year of life, things seemed ok.  Until the MMR shot.  We separated that shot out from the other shots given to Cam at 12 months--just to be safe.  Of course, the doctor laughed at me and said that there was absolutely no correlation of shots to autism; absolutely no scientific proof.  Well, I think Cam proves a much different thought process.  At 13 months, when Cam seem to have taken the other 3 shots in stride, I took him back to the doctor for the MMR shot.

Mistake.

Within 48 hours my healthy, walking-talking son became a blob.  Take any inanimate object, and that has the same activity as my son.  Cam didn't make sounds.  He didn't move.  He didn't respond to his name.

Heartbreaking.

It took him 3 weeks to start babbling again.  He started to move and roll after 3 months.  He had to relearn how to sit, crawl, walk, and talk.  Thank God we had started sign language when he was about 7 months.  He could communicate a bit with sign still.

At 18 months Cam became self-abusive.  He banged his head on walls and floors.  Tile and concrete were the best.  Bang. Bang.  Bang.  Mike and I occasionally discussed who would go to jail if Cam were diagnosed with shaken baby syndrome.  Who would ever believe us about this child who loved to bang his head constantly?  We put on a bike helmet on Cam's head for some protection.

At 2 Cameron was diagnosed with autism.  More heartbreak.  Grieving...  Cam was our most severe son with autism.  Fast forward ten years of therapies, research, protocols, and doctors.  Many tears have been shed.  Many sad tears.  However, today they are happy tears.  Tears of happiness and celebration.

Autism CAN be beat!

Working Full time with Autism: NOT

For the last three weeks, I have been working full time. It's a writing project. I enjoy writing, so I thought this would be a good mix with family life. It has been a wonderful, novel time. I'm getting out of the house, and my brain is challenged in ways that do not include autism. VERY NOVEL IDEA. This is a time for just me. Again, what a new idea!

However, there is no separating my boys from me. I miss them.

More importantly, they need me. Although the boys can be left alone for hours, the preparation for school, ie homework, dinner, etc really does require a parent.

More than just the boys, school requires attention. School administrators, teachers, counselors, etc. don't necessarily follow up, unless a phone call or email prompts the need. Usually, they respond quite readily. Phone calls really work better than emails. Better yet is a personal visit. I can't manage that while working.

Although I have enjoyed meeting new people and doing new tasks, I've already given notice. The role of motherhood always comes first.

Can I Ask For Forgiveness: Part II

To review what recently happened,  Nicholas started a conversation with a very awkward set of phrases or questions. He referred to an example, a download, and forgiveness. None of it made any sense, at least at that point. I waited a week to see if Nick would initiate the conversation again. Alas, it didn't happen.

So I took the lead.

Nick joined me for a three mile walk. We chatted about a few things, mostly about the weather or things we saw. I finally asked him, "Remember you asked for forgiveness?" He responded with a nod. I continued, "What was that about?" He smiled. That confirmed that he did indeed remember.

"Mom," he said, "Remember I went to laser tag with Casey. We got hungry." Nick stopped talking like that was all he needed to say.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that. Why did you need forgiveness?" I inquired.

Nick smiled again. Whatever it was, I don't think he was really sorry.

Nick replied, "Casey ordered pizza." Again, Nick stopped liked that answered my curiosity. It didn't.

"And?"

Nick had a sheepish smile on his face. "I had a piece."

Oh! Nick is gluten free, and this was the culprit.

The conversation continued to reveal bits and pieces. The end result was that Nick had ordered a pizza too, not just had a piece of Casey's pizza. I explained to Nick that sharing the pizza was very understandable. Teenage boys having pizza. Sounds like heaven on earth for teenagers. However, Nick knew he wasn't suppose to have pizza that I didn't make at home. What havoc that does to his stomach and brain!

"So, Mom, can I have forgiveness?"

"Of course, Nick." At this point, I couldn't get mad at him. He knew the consequences of his actions. He set me up perfectly too. How could I get upset when he opened the door by asking for forgiveness? Talk about a brilliant mind!!!

He was willing to go through pain in order to be able to share a meal with a friend.

By the way, the download and the example??? Nick was trying to figure out how to talk about the whole incident, and couldn't figure out how to start the conversation. Very typical of an autistic mind.

Can I Ask For Forgiveness: A Dot to Dot Conversation

"Mom, can I ask for forgiveness?" I didn't take that as a good sign.

Nicholas has been talking better in the last few weeks. However, the conversation is really fragmented. For example, here is how the last one started. It was like a verbal connect the dot game.

"Mom, I have an example."

"Of what?" I thought to myself.

"Mom, if I download something..."

Ummm.... where are we going with this...

"Mom, can I ask for forgiveness?"

I intentionally do not react, although my brain is firing off possibilities of what could have happened. Then I think back to the clues he gave me. An example. A download. Forgiveness.

The real problem kicks in now. Nick refuses to talk anymore.

I know anxiety precludes Nick from any decent form of conversation. So this is one where I'll have to be patient. It's like the TV mystery show that end with "to be continued" just at that precise moment of...

--to be continued!

photo credit: wrestlingentropy's photostream (5,058)

Follow Up On Nicholas: A Good Week

I went to the school psychologist to follow up on the Best Buddy program. Nothing has been done. The psychologist said he did ask about it, but I have to fill out the application online. I asked if I could print out the application and give it to the program coordinator since I was there on campus. The answer was NO.

I have a problem with filling out information about my boys online. I don't know where this information is going. This is private information, and I don't want their identity compromised.

In the past couple of months I've already received solicitation calls for my two teens with autism. These are calls regarding college and taking the PSAT or SAT. I've asked these callers where they are getting my sons' information from, and they refuse to tell me.

I conveyed this to the psychologist who said that is illegal. These callers must identify where they are getting the information. That doesn't do me any good, and it only makes me more cautious as to filling out forms online.

We are at a stalemate.

The good side is that Nick seems to be holding his own for now. He's talking a bit better. He seems more stable emotionally. So we continue to take one day at a time.

What Is Life With Autism Like: A Runner's Race

Never giving up...

http://www.godvine.com/Christian-Athlete-Takes-a-Fall-But-Still-Wins-the-Race-378.html

A friend sent me this video. She offered no explanation. I watched this short video, and I knew why she sent it. This video is a perfect example of what life is like with autism for a parent. I can't speak from a perspective of a person with autism, but I would guess that it does suffice from that angle as well--based on what I see how my sons persist in their daily lives.

Of course, we are still running to our finish lines!

Nicholas: A Good Week

This week has been a good week. What a blessing! Makes me wonder if I was taking for granted all the other "good weeks" that we had...

A friend asked if "one of the boys has had a set back. I thought they were all doing so well." Yes, the boys were all doing well. I am not sure why Nick is regressing, or seems to be regressing.

One suspicion I have is teenage turmoil. How hard is it for a teen without autism to maneuver high school and puberty? I recall tough times. I have seen Nick's three older brothers, with and without autism, have tremendous struggles in transitions, friendships, and work loads.

Nick is a teen with autism. The autism effects his expressive and receptive language. Nick thinks in pictures, so his brain is firing like crazy to interpret speech and sound. Most kids his age may not have the patience to give Nick time to process what they say.

I brought up this issue at Nick's IEP meeting about two weeks ago. His speech pathologist recommends a program called Best Buddies. The psychologist and case manager said that they'd sign him up. I haven't heard anything so far, so tomorrow, Monday, I'll be calling the school to see what the status is. In this program NT (neuro-typical) kids signs up to befriend special needs kids, and they meet the kids for several social outings.

I am hopeful that the Best Buddies will help Nick through this time. However, this is one small piece that may fit the "puzzle" of autism.

I still am trying to figure out if there are any other issues at hand, but here's to Nick's perseverance!

photo credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/sean-b/

Sleuthing Autism: What's The Problem?

"My son is having a much easier time talking today that he has had all week. I'm still trying to figure out how an autistic mind works. Some days, he can barely get a sentence out. Other days, he can talk with just a little effort. That was my post yesterday on Facebook. Last Saturday I posted, "My son had a good day. Yea."

For the last four weeks Nick has been having a very difficult time with life. A few times he's been very close to tears. Other times, he has been downright angry. One Wednesday, he stammered, "I can barely talk." That was all he could say.
I am quite baffled. I have no answers for my son. This is the child who talked for an hour once to my oldest son's friend back in the Fall.
Nick is also a very resilient child. He has a quiet but happy spirit. He is not one to hold a grudge or be in a slump for long. Lately, he seems to be obsessing more frequently. Again, something he usually does not do too often.
The most confusing part is that his behavior and mood swing are not consistent. As parents, we are encouraging Nick to keep talking and keep hope.
I feel stupid, asking a teen with autism to talk. I'm asking him to do the one thing that is hardest for anyone with autism to do: socialize and talk. Yea, no problem... NOT.
So I'm tracking the ups and downs of Nick, trying to find if there is a reason. Could he be staying on the gluten free diet? Is he not taking his supplements? Are other kids contributing to the problem? Is this just a typical stage in a teen's life?
I wish I could hire Sherlock Holmes!

Too Much On Your Plate?

Multi-task. Going 24/7. Not enough time in the day. Too much to do.

It's called adulthood. Responsibilities demand our attention. Well, that is why I'm not writing as frequently as I'd like. I'm pulled in so many directions, that my brain pretends to be more flexible than a rubber band. I have a lot of energy, but it seems I don't get anything done. Frustrating.

This happens to everyone, not just parents of autistic teens. I see many moms--crazed and dazed. I ask them how they're doing, and the response is usually similar, "I'm running."

A friend wrote to me today, saying that she was making mistakes because she had "too much on her plate". I can totally relate. I replied that we must be at the same feast. My friend appreciated my understanding her.

We're all busy, but a positive attitude helps. So, yes, my friend and I are at this "busy" feast. I can't wait until dessert is served. I am up for a good challenge of dealing with too much chocolate on my plate!

photo credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennedwards/

Twelve Days of Christmas Wrap Up

How we celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas varies. Early on each boy received his own present most days. When they were younger, it was easy to find little cars or toys. Now that they are older, their taste has matured. So this year the boys didn't get individual gifts. They enjoyed a single gift.

As the year progresses, events happen that inspire a gift. For example, living in the Southwest, the air is dry, and the boys are always in need to chap stick. So I bought a 4-pack of chap stick. That fit into Day 1 box. It's not exactly a "fun" present, but the boys were happy to each have his own.

Here is another example. I frequently purchase batteries. It never fails when I need a battery, there is none to be found. The boys constantly are raiding the supply for their devices. As a result, I purchased a pack of batteries so that they each had their own stash. The pack fit in the Day 2 box, so that was the gift of Day 2.

Day 3 was homemade fudge. I don't make fudge often, so this was a special treat. I had written "fudge" on a slip of paper and put that in the box. The boys had fun searching the kitchen for it.

Day 4 was a family trip to the local botanical gardens. The boys thoroughly enjoyed the first hour of strolling through the paths of local flora and fauna. We found herbs that we wanted to try growing at home. The second hour was not as enjoyable as hungry stomachs rumbled despite the snacks brought along. We found a local eatery. Peace resumed.

Day 5 was a 4 pack of Starbucks. Simple splurge. Day 5 also included Christmas candy--dark chocolate. I picked this up at half price after Christmas!

Day 6 was an organic blend of apple cider for a new "coffee" machine that St. Nick brought the family. The boys' diet restricts the purchase of regular apple cider, so this was a fun treat.

Day 7 was lunch out to a restaurant. Since we don't travel much, we try to find restaurants that have an authentic cultural flair. This time we ventured into an Italian restaurant run by a first generation Italian who uses his mother and grandmother's recipes from Italy. What a difference from the Italian restaurant chains! The music and decor moved us to Italy for a few hours.

Day 8 was a movie. The boys enjoyed War Horse.

Day 9 was a CD and DVD.

Day 10 was a new sport game for the game system. It's one of the interactive games where the boys get to challenge each other, they have to physically move!!! No more sitting on the couch when they play. Even Dad got involved and played!!!

Day 11 was another DVD.

Day 12 was lunch at a Persian restaurant. We again had fun exploring new tastes and new foods.

I already have a few gifts for next year's 12 Days. I've purchased a few things at 50-70% off during the after-Christmas sales. I'll also start thinking what new family experiences to plan for next year.

The Twelfth Day of Christmas

We started the Twelve Days of Christmas early this year. We started on Christmas Eve simply because we went to Mass at 4pm, so we had celebrated the birth of Christ. It seemed fitting to open the first present after dinner.

The boys were very excited. Since we have four boys at home, we determined that they'll each open one present, starting with the youngest. So each boy will have three turns. They agreed whole heartedly.

I will write a separate entry on what the gifts were in a few days as I've been asked what gifts to I get and how do I determine what I get. I'll address the latter issue.

The gifts are usually determined for me--out of necessity. Some are determined out of cost--what is financially feasible. Of course, I try to get a few fun items--something the boys really want.

This year the items assembled easily, all except the last one. I am stumped by the 12th Day. What to get? The box remains empty. It beckons me. I have about 24 hours to figure something out. Tradition says that the last gift is the biggest gift. The box itself IS the biggest box. Yes, I actually have a box for each day. They are clearly decorated and labelled what each day the "true love brings". Side note: The boxes fit into each other for easy storage. Very convenient!

So I am still perplexed about what the 12th day should bring. Yes, I could get 12 drummers drumming. Or a drum set. One of my boys really would love that as he plays percussion and drums in the high school band. I can't fit that in the box. I could put a picture of the drum set in the box. Are drums on sale somewhere? The smallest catch is that I wouldn't survive a drum set in the house. Or in the garage. Ummm.

This is where the 12 Days make me really think. I do get silly sometimes. I also get creative. That's the fun part of this. I put myself in the giving. These aren't just things. These gifts are gathered with a lot of love and thought.

Well, I gotta get thinking about this... Merry Christmas Day 9 (although we celebrated Day 10).

Photo credit: jenny makes stuff