Autism: Surviving and Thriving

Fourteen years ago my youngest 3 boys were diagnosed with autism within a 9 month span. Devastation and grieving followed. Doctors gave me little or no hope, but they didn't know me very well. I refused to believe that my boys were doomed.

My boys are now young men, adults with autism. They are thriving, but every day presents its turmoil and challenges.

My family: husband Mike, sons Ryan 23 yr, Nicholas 21 yr, and Cameron 18 yr. (Ryan and Nick have autism; Cam has recovered from autism.) Our oldest sons, Michael 34 yr and Stuart 25 yr, moved out of the house. Ryan has also moved out, and is still working towards complete independence.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Happy Marriage

The first item I need to address is our marriage.  When I have talked about being away from home, most people have jumped to the conclusion that my marriage is in trouble.  Or over.  Neither is the case.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.

We have a happy marriage. I gain strength from my husband.  He is one of the most patient and selfless men I know.  He says that I don't drive him crazy.  That is a wonder in itself.  Probably a miracle.  I drive myself crazy at times.  How can I NOT drive him crazy?  Yet I believe him.  He is a man of great integrity.

Mike has told me a few times that marriage is about acceptance.  He accepts me.  He knows I'll try my best.  My best may be short-lived.  Quite often, it is, but he doesn't need to know exactly how often!

I admire my husband.  He truly amazes me, even after 21 years of marriage.  Next month it will be 22 years.  Not many couples have endured autism, but then again, I am sure there are couples who have endured more than we have.

This isn't about the thresh-hold of our marriage.  It is that we are married.  We are committed to each other.  We love each other.  We trust each other.  That particular vow of "for better or worse"... resonates. 

It's like St Paul says in chapter 14 of his letter to the Corinthians, love is patient; love is kind, et al.

St Paul describes my husband.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Mom-cations: A Medical Necessity

Mike with 2 yr Andrew and 2 day Matt
I am at the beach.  Again.  For the last year I have been taking time out from the hectic life of being a mom.  A mom of special needs kids.  A self-employed mom.  A former-home schooling mom.  An active participant in the school mom.  Not to mention all the entities of just being a mom.

It's been a tough three years actually.  Tougher than some of the other years.  I think it has been the culmination of years of dealing with autism.  A few close friends thought that I might be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, they concurred that I needed a break.

So break I did.  The boys were older, and my husband encouraged me to go for a few days.

What transpired amazed me.  When I was gone, I wanted to do something that I never did at home.  So I took photographs to put in a scrapbook.  The above photo made me laugh and cry.  It was life before autism.  All the hope and joy of having babies are captured in my husband's smile.

As I arranged these photos, I reminisced.  It was therapeutic.  I was quite happy creating a book and remembering those sweet moments of my sons' young lives.  The few days spent away from my family gave me time to breath from the daily grind.  It also gave me a positive outlet.

I return a bit happier and rested, but the boys don't give any quarter in their game of life.  Game face on.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Cameron Turns Twelve

It's been a week since we signed off all special education services for Cam.  When we told him that he would no longer receive services, he smiled and insisted on a "high five".  Later in the week we went hiking.  He couldn't resist climbing on a rock "not too far from the trail".  He struck the pose that just summarizes his spirit:  I can do anything!

He is a spunky character.  That has recently been our challenge, and I can see that he will continually push the boundaries.  I never wish to break his spirit, but boy, his spirit definitely needs to be channelled.

He is a curious creature, and temptation can lead him into trouble.  Being the youngest of five brothers, he tries to keep up with them, and that isn't always a good thing.  Making choices without some much needed maturity does lead him astray, so teaching him is always a constant.  Absolutely no rest on my part.

Today Cam is 12.  So I look forward to another year of surprises and growth from our youngest.  I never thought I'd see the day when Zach is full of life, free from autism.

Happy Birthday, Cameron!