Autism: Surviving and Thriving

Fourteen years ago my youngest 3 boys were diagnosed with autism within a 9 month span. Devastation and grieving followed. Doctors gave me little or no hope, but they didn't know me very well. I refused to believe that my boys were doomed.

My boys are now young men, adults with autism. They are thriving, but every day presents its turmoil and challenges.

My family: husband Mike, sons Ryan 23 yr, Nicholas 21 yr, and Cameron 18 yr. (Ryan and Nick have autism; Cam has recovered from autism.) Our oldest sons, Michael 34 yr and Stuart 25 yr, moved out of the house. Ryan has also moved out, and is still working towards complete independence.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

My Oldest Turns 30

Michael is 30 today.  I often wonder what life was like for him, growing up with younger siblings with autism.  For several years, the younger boys were undiagnosed.  From my perspective, Michael was a strong support for his younger brothers, whatever problems they had.

Michael probably had to bear more than what he should have.  He set the example for my younger sons.  If Mike did something that was questionable, he heard about it.  Kids with autism learn quickly by example.  Usually, the things I wouldn't want repeated would be the phrases that they'd learn without effort.

We set a high standard for Michael.  Good grades, good behavior, good everything.  He usually did not disappoint us.  He was valedictorian at his 8th grade graduation.  He aspired to play sports.  He got his first job at 16, when he could drive.

He married young, but he was a devoted husband and father.  Now, at 30, he is much like his father--a very strong, reliable man.  If a problem is presented, he solves them.  If someone asks for help, he obliges.  Better yet, if Michael perceives an issue, he addresses it.

We didn't parent our younger kids as we did Michael.  He observed, "Mom, you never let me get away with that."  No, parenting with autistic kids is very different.  Our standards changed.  For example, the idea of straights As in school went out the window.  We didn't care about grades.  We cared about mastering the skill, task, or lesson only.  No grades.  Yes, our standards changed.  They become specialized.  We focused on success per each child, not a pre-set standard.

Michael's early years were sparked by a young, inquisitive curiosity--much like his adult years are sparked by challenging, demanding responsibilities.  He meets them with courage.

Happy 30th, Michael.

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