Autism: Surviving and Thriving

Fourteen years ago my youngest 3 boys were diagnosed with autism within a 9 month span. Devastation and grieving followed. Doctors gave me little or no hope, but they didn't know me very well. I refused to believe that my boys were doomed.

My boys are now young men, adults with autism. They are thriving, but every day presents its turmoil and challenges.

My family: husband Mike, sons Ryan 23 yr, Nicholas 21 yr, and Cameron 18 yr. (Ryan and Nick have autism; Cam has recovered from autism.) Our oldest sons, Michael 34 yr and Stuart 25 yr, moved out of the house. Ryan has also moved out, and is still working towards complete independence.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Nick Earns an A, After Supposedly Failing

At the start of each school year/semester, I send an email to my sons' teachers, advising them that my sons are on IEPs due to autism.  I highlight how my sons learn.  I also give indicators to observe if my sons understand the lessons and concepts.  Too often, the teachers, especially the teachers of the mainstream classes, do not get any information until the second or third week of the semester that my sons have autism--which is too late.

I received the following email five days into last semester regarding my son's Spanish II class:

Good Morning Mrs. Johnson! 

I wanted to introduce myself.  I am Ms. C. and will be Nicks case manager this year.  Thank you for the detailed information about Nick.  ...he is failing Spanish 2.  Has he mentioned anything to you about this? I am not sure if he even knows.  Ms. S just walked in and was wondering if you would be opposed to changing his grading to Pass/Fail or would you like to find a different elective for him to be placed in?  I am sorry to bombard you with this, however, I am glad we have found it early in the semester where we still have options.

I was mystified.  How can my son be failing before a test had been given or an assignment graded?  The more I thought about this, the more dumbfounded I became.  What did this case manager base this decision on?  My son had As and Bs in his Spanish I class, and that teacher had figured out how to accommodate Nick's autism.  Not only did Nick survive Spanish I, he enjoyed it.

How many autistic kids, who barely communicate in their native tongue, take on and succeed in a foreign language?  Well, my sons have never fit any statistic.  I've raised them to think that they can do whatever they want.  They may have to work harder than others, but they can succeed!

So why is this case manager claiming that my son is failing on the fifth day of the semester?

In short, I've seen it all before.  People underestimate my sons with autism.  My boys do have a disability, but they are not stupid.  They may not be able to communicate as well as others, but they can relay information.  They can tell you what they know, just not necessarily in the format wanted.

If this special ed teacher had taken the time to research Nick, she would have found his transcripts show a student with a 3.5 GPA.  She would have seen he has taken some special ed classes and many mainstreamed classes, including a college math class.  Despite autism, this kid pulls awesome grades, illustrating mastery of concepts.  At the end of the semester, Nick earned an A- in his Spanish II class--a far cry from failing.

Nothing infuriates me more than someone who "thinks" he might know my sons, based on textbook studies of autism.  In this case, a special ed teacher made a judgment regarding my son, Nick.  I sent an email inquiring how she concluded Nick was failing.  I never received a response.

This is what I do most days--ensuring that my kids get what they need to succeed in their dreams.  I don't do the work for my sons, but I make sure that no one stands in their way.

I have spent many hours getting my boys through the school system.  Now they face adulthood, and the work is just beginning--for all of us.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Autistic Sons Admire Sunset

Being a mom of special needs kids taxes mental and physical energy.  I can get caught up in tons of paperwork and appointments.  There is always something waiting to be tackled!  Interruptions don't help.  Doorbells, phones, and texts are among the common agitators. Even the kids' yelling, "MOM," can grate on the nerves.  That "Mom" quickly shifts from "Mom?" to "Mom!!"

I cringe.  "Just let me finish this," I yell.

As a result, I can miss some great moments.  This last time, the call of "Mom" was to see a beautiful sunset.  If I had persisted in finishing my task, I would have missed it.  I was amazed at how fast it changed within seconds.  By the time I got the closest camera out, the colors had moved far away within those moments.

This was not an emergency, but it was important.  I am glad my boys demanded my attention, and I came.  We shared a few moments of an awesome, stunning sunset.

This also illustrates that kids with autism can appreciate the beauty of nature.  Many assume that autistic people lack the cognitive ability to appreciate nature or items that are beyond their touch.  That is simply untrue.  Actually, it may be we who are caught up in the paperwork who don't have the cognitive ability to stop and appreciate nature!!

In this case, my autistic sons stopped to admire the sunset.  THEY believed it was important enough to call me.  This just reinforces we don't always know what autistic kids can do!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Nice Shootin' Tex

Cameron texted on Saturday that he wants "to be shooting at marksmanship more" because he beat the marksmanship captains and broke the pistol record.  He surprised me that he had beaten more experienced shooters.  He later told me that the funny thing was, for the M4 sim, he was shooting lefty so he could see.  He did "surprisingly good".

Cameron is right handed, so that is why I was also surprised at his results. I wonder how well he would have done if he had shot with his right hand, wearing his glasses.  He replied that his glasses probably have a lot of dust on them.  I wonder if he even knows where those glasses are. Maybe this will be an incentive for him to wear his glasses!

His final update read, "My M9 high score, which is THE high score, was 189, and the M4 high score was 69."

"Wow," was my reply, even though I don't know what an M9 or an M4 are.  I assume a rifle and pistol.  Here, I am worried about my son getting the proper education to use the firearms.  The irony is I also need to get educated as to what he's shooting!