Cameron's First Job

Celebrating Cameron's new job

Cameron got hired on the spot!!

Whoop Whoop!!

He cleaned up, put on a tie, and went to the mall.  He filled out the application, and interviewed.  Bam, hired.  Nice!!

Sounds easy, but Cam put in a lot of work prior to getting hired.  He scoured the internet looking for companies hiring.  He found one interviewing that day, so off he went.  However, Cameron had been looking for a job since school got out last May.  He has filled out several applications and interviewed a couple times.  All results were negative.  Quite often, he received a form letter, rejecting him because of his age.  He is not 18.  Sometimes, he didn't get any notice at all.  Frustrating.

Rejection is not easy for anyone.  I have to admire Cameron for not giving up.  I know he applied to at least 20 companies before getting hired.  He did get frustrated at times, but ultimately, he kept applying.  I am glad he got the job, but he learned persistence.  That is better than the job!

No More IEP Meetings!

Today Mike and I attended our last IEP meeting. Yippee!  I counted 47 IEP meetings, at least, since 1997.  Two of our younger four boys had varying disabilities, ranging from speech impairment to autism.  Both of them, Stuart and Cameron, have sufficiently progressed to function as neuro-typical kids!  The other two, Ryan and Nick, still have autism, but their progress is no less remarkable!

So what is an IEP?  Basically, it's a written contract in which educational goals are written for the individual with special needs.  Its focus is to educate the individual person, geared towards the issues and abilities of said person.  IEP stands for individual educational program.

These meetings can be stressful and grueling, or they can be uplifting and reassuring. HA.  They are usually grueling.

The participants are comprised of teachers, a psychologist, therapists, parents, and student, called the TEAM. Frequently, the school staff discuss the goals of the student before the meeting, though I don't think anyone would really admit to that.  When the meeting commences, the goals are already written.  If the parents agree with those goals, there is no problem.  If the parent disagrees, then PROBLEM.  It can become a battle or a downright WAR.

Sometimes our meetings would last three hours, and we'd have to postpone any conclusion.  Those were horrific.  Our child's needs were not being addressed appropriately, and as parents, we had to ensure they were.

And the paperwork!  I have four binders full.

Over the years, I learned that certain vocabulary terms were necessary to get what my child needed.  Also, what one school could do was different from what another school could do, even in the same district.  Some special ed classes were offered only at select schools.  The staff, depending how dedicated to the student, may or may not want to implement other goals.

Quite often, I felt like an intruder rather than a team member.  I always had someone else accompany if possible.  Whether it was my husband or father, having an advocate helped streamline the meeting.

Not all meetings were terrible.  Some could be pleasant, especially if I knew the staff.  Getting to know the principal, secretary, and teachers helped to get my children what they needed.  I volunteered a lot.  That made a huge difference, and my boys prospered.

So with this last IEP, all my boys are moving toward adulthood.  As they transition into the "real" world, my life also adjusts.  There are no contracts with employers or colleges.  I am concerned how my boys will progress, but as always, it's one day at a time.  Seeing how they have succeeded thus far, I am confident they will find their way, and I will find mine.

GOOD BYE, IEPs!

Nick's Milestones

Much has happened in Nick's life.  In the last month, he went to prom.  He graduated.  He received a scholarship.  He attended a local college band camp.  Those are the good things. Some not so good things happened too, but I'll save those for another day.  Now is the time to celebrate.

Nick had a challenging year, and he met them head-on.  At the beginning of the academic year, his case manager stated that he was flunking Spanish II and had to be removed.  That happened on day 5 of the year.  Nick earned an A-.  A far cry from failing.

The next challenge was being told from his school counselor that he could not go straight to the local university.  Nick had some special needs classes that supposedly the university would not accept.  I called the university.  They wanted to see Nick's transcript.  I sent it.  They enthusiastically said that they would accept Nick.  His grades were fantastic, and his class ranking was high.  Why would they not want him?  Of course, there were other factors to consider, but based on the transcript, Nick was welcomed to attend.

The third challenge was Nick's new case manager stated that Nick's plan for a fifth year at the high school could not happen because he was on course to graduate.  Nick had been planning on taking a fifth year to work on communication and reading skills.  I had emails documenting this plan.  The IEP team had agreed each year, that this would be the best transition plan for Nick into adulthood.  The case manager totally changed the game plan.  She said the only way Nick could continue was to participate in a special ed class that was wayyyyy below his cognitive level.  Even the psychologist warned me.  We observed and visited the program, but ultimately nixed it, and insisted on our original plan, which the IEP team again approved.

Throughout the ordeals, Nick focused on his studies and his goals.  I told him we would get through the obstacles, but he could not dwell on it.  He had to learn that this will happen frequently in his life.  People will judge that he is not capable of something.  People, no matter how well intended, will underestimate him.  People will have preconceived notions.  They just don't know Nick.

Yes, Nick has autism.  However, autism does not define Nick.  Nick is Nick, and only Nick can determine who he is.  In my eyes, he is turning into a successful man.

Nice Shootin' Tex

Cameron texted on Saturday that he wants "to be shooting at marksmanship more" because he beat the marksmanship captains and broke the pistol record.  He surprised me that he had beaten more experienced shooters.  He later told me that the funny thing was, for the M4 sim, he was shooting lefty so he could see.  He did "surprisingly good".

Cameron is right handed, so that is why I was also surprised at his results. I wonder how well he would have done if he had shot with his right hand, wearing his glasses.  He replied that his glasses probably have a lot of dust on them.  I wonder if he even knows where those glasses are. Maybe this will be an incentive for him to wear his glasses!

His final update read, "My M9 high score, which is THE high score, was 189, and the M4 high score was 69."

"Wow," was my reply, even though I don't know what an M9 or an M4 are.  I assume a rifle and pistol.  Here, I am worried about my son getting the proper education to use the firearms.  The irony is I also need to get educated as to what he's shooting!

Ryan Is Driving On His Own!!

Ryan celebrating with Grandma

Five days ago Ryan took the drivers test and passed.  He has a drivers license. Unfortunately, I was not with him, but Ryan texted me immediately.  "I got it: my drivers license," was his exact statement.

I called him, and I asked how it felt, "Good."   I could hear him smiling.  Rare.  Ryan was genuinely happy.  I was happy too.  It's been a long haul for him to arrive at this point.

Eighteen months ago, Ryan didn't want to drive. He didn't want the responsibility.  Ryan was quite content to let us drive him around.  Not a lot of ambition.  That doesn't sit well, especially when Ryan wants to be independent.  I never understood that concept:  he wants to be independent, but he doesn't want the responsibility.

Mike and I simply stated that if Ryan wanted to be independent, he needed to pursue skills that will make him independent.  Mastering some sort of transportation was a must--be it public or private transportation didn't matter.  He needed to be able to get to places on his own, especially if he wanted a job.

So Ryan had taken the drivers ed course at high school.  He "drove" the simulators, but just wasn't ready.  We didn't push for a few years. However, when he graduated from high school, we pushed a little bit.  Thanks to my parents, Ryan earned his drivers permit last summer.  And ding--Ryan suddenly liked driving.

Now he can drive without me.  Yea.  He has a smile on his face. Constantly.  He is very happy with this new-found independence.  He even agreed that the responsibility is worth it!

Ryan's Lord Malevar

Lord Malevar

My son, Ryan, has written a few books, and he's using his photo shop classes at RMG Imaging Artists to illustrate his latest book.  He's using his knowledge to create his characters.  This portrait is of his latest villain, Lord Malevar.  I never knew a unicorn could possess an evil side.  Alas, creativity strikes.

Ryan showed me how he can manipulate the background and highlight different parts of his character

He is almost done with the first year of this program.  I can't wait to see what he will adapt as he progresses through the next two years!

So many times I've been told that kids and teens with autism are not creative.  They live in a structured system with no room for flexibility.  This simply is not concrete truth.  Yes, my boys prefer a known schedule.

We all can appreciate predictability to some extent.  I just don't like most people thinking that the autism population is so rigid.  They are not!! Sometimes my boys surprise me by their problem solving skills--simply by thinking outside the box.  They can be very creative when given the chance.  They express an array of emotions and feelings as well.

Whether it's through music, books, or art, my boys with autism open their world to us in their own, creative ways.

Potential Job/Career Idea!!

Last year I found a group that meets monthly to help kids with autism transition into adulthood.  These meetings feature speakers or events.  Last night Ryan and I attended the meeting that debuted a family business looking to train and hire teens and young adults on the autism spectrum.

That is highly unusual.  Autism usually strikes fear is employers.  This business is SEEKING THEM OUT!

I was very hopeful, but also very suspicious.  My teens with autism want to be independent.  I want them independent.  With 90% of autistic adults unemployed, this could be such a blessing!  But who looks for autistic teens?  Well, we went to find out.

The speakers were from a family business--four generations in the business.  The fourth generation, the son, has Aspergers, which is a form of autism.  We heard the family history, and the success of the business.

These parents realized the success of their son was due to his symptoms of Aspergers--focusing for long periods of time, perfecting the details, wanting to work alone, etc.  I could see both of my sons fitting into this description easily.

I was quite impressed with the family's plan for their new business venture.  It covered everything from basic training to career opportunities.  My thoughts jumped:  job training; financial security; solid career; personal fulfillment--ideas that many parents worry about their kids with special needs.  This seemed to be an answer.

The only downside is that there is a cost.  Not that it's expensive.  But money is money.  Since this is a pilot program, there is no guarantee or track record of success.  And will my kids really like it?  Oh!  Moms can be so worrisome.

Well, Ryan and I are exploring the opportunities presented last night.  The timing may not be right, but this is at least an opportunity.  It's so important to have a path, a direction in life.  Even Ryan acknowledges that!  So, here's to some research and maybe a sale-able trade!

Autism and Interviews: Award -Winning!

Ryan is a finalist!  I received word late this week that Ryan is a scholarship winner.  I don't know how much.  The amount will be announced on May 12.  Ryan tried to hide his smile when I told him.  Hence, no picture to show.  I think he was genuinely surprised!

Now we are focusing on what classes to take.  Ryan wants to take online classes, and only writing classes.  He also wants his own laptop, so he can write undisturbed.

We finally have a course of action!  Yea.

Photo credit:   http://www.flickr.com/photos/68751915@N05/with/6355220839/

Autism and Interviews: Mindless Mess

A serious Ryan, after interview

So Ryan didn't want to go to college, but he acknowledged that getting a job or writing to support himself was going to be difficult.

We opened the door to another thought.  No college.  What else could bring Ryan to his goal of independence?  A trade school?  An apprenticeship?  Again, Ryan had a perplexing issue to face.  Really, it was impossible.

Ryan has a difficult time relating to anything without a reference point.  To name an occupation, career, job, class, or anything is meaningless to Ryan.  Unless he is familiar with it.  So we spend hours trying to find examples for Ryan.  Research on the computer amounted to little success.

We kept coming back to classes.  Any class.  One class.  Just something that might spark an interest.  No degree or career in mind.  Just a class.

I took him online, and we visited a local college website.  I brought up writing classes.  Ryan narrowed the search to include online classes only.  I asked why.  He responded that he didn't want to talk.  He wasn't ready to talk.

New issue.  Well, not so new.  We know Ryan doesn't like to talk with people.  However, HE expressed that he's not ready for college.  That was a BIG step.

We found an online beginning writing class.  SUCCESS.

Then he was interested in the scholarship, and the deadline was a few weeks away.

Autism and Music: Part IV The Rewards

Mike and I playing Alpine Snowfall

One of my favorite parts of school was missing class.  In grade school and high school I played for the choir.  Whenever we had field trips or extra practices, I thoroughly enjoyed missing my regular classes--thanks to being able to play the piano.

I also liked getting paid.  When I was 11 or 12, I played for my first wedding and funeral.  The organists didn't show up, and I volunteered (or was volunteered via my dad) to fill in.  I was surprised to get $25.  That was a lot of money back then.  It sure beat babysitting too!

Another great moment was when my oldest son, Mike, and I played a duet.  It was called Alpine Snowfall.  We played it many times that year--many recitals as well as for our own enjoyment.  Mike was 16.  I never thought I'd hear him ask me to practice WITH him.  We had a blast!

When Mike was 21, he thanked me for pushing him on the piano.  He is now 28 and owns his own piano.  He plays for his daughter.  That is success!

Nick before performing at a band concert

My other boys may not admit it, but they have experienced some great rewards due to their music and piano background.  ALL of them have played a second instrument.  Some of them play even a third or more.  Instruments include violin, trumpet, clarinet, sax, and several percussion instruments.

Stuart has pursued music to the collegiate level.  He earned a few scholarships.    Ryan has taught piano to several little kids over the summer.  Nick is in his sixth year in band in the school.  Cameron just finished two years of trumpet lessons.

There have been so many benefits of music and piano for my boys.  I love taking them to concerts.  Over the summer we enjoyed a concert tribute to Billy Joel and Elton John.  The boys were thoroughly entertained.  A concert we recently attended was by a male pianist/composer, but his music was very different than rock.  His music was classical.  All the boys liked it.  Nick insisted that I buy two CDs.  I asked, "Why?"  He simply replied, "I don't want to share."

I hope that my sons will continue to play throughout their lives.  There is no end to what music can do. 

Chelation Summary

Chelation is highly controversial. I didn't like the idea. My sister (critical care nurse) and brother (chemist) warned me not to do it. The research I did several years ago highlighted kidney and liver damage, even death. The cost was prohibitive.

We tried other methods to help the boys' health, but nothing was removing the metals in which they constantly tested high: aluminum, mercury, lead, arsenic, uranium, are but a few.

In July my husband and I decided we would try it with a very careful eye on the boys. Nothing outrageous happened. We were encouraged. Within a few weeks, Ryan and Nick were talking more. Within the next few months both were much more active in school. Class presentations, dances, even dating!

Would I recommend chelation? Yes, but with absolute caution and after all other methods were exhausted. It is very expensive, and I can't deny that I'm putting meds in my kids. Consequently, we are not continuing chelation at this point. We are happy with the results thus far.

To see actual progress details and dates, please read the blog entries in August, Sept, and Oct.

Ryan's Success in High School

One of the big decisions we made over the summer was to register Ryan at the public high school. He was home schooled for junior high, and he attended a transition program last year. He is a sophomore, and he is attending the local public high school. Although he has autism, he is mainstreamed in most of his subjects. Only biology and study skills are "resource classes", that is, special education.

We decided to try school on a weekly basis. Each Friday we evaluate Ryan's progress in academics, socializing, etc. The first day Ryan loved school. The second day he wanted us to take him out. I reminded him that we had a commitment of one week. Of course, if something unacceptable happened, we'd take him out immediately. That was not the case. Ryan just felt the transition was tough that day.

It has been four weeks now. I did have to ask the teachers for copies of notes, which I cited as "special accommodations" in his IEP. (Briefly, an Individual Educational Program (IEP) is a goal oriented program for special needs students, made for that specific individual by a team comprised of teachers and parents.)

Here is a synopsis of what the teachers have to say about Matt:

FROM HIS ENGLISH TEACHER:

Ryan did much better on his spelling test on Friday, earning a 22/24, so his extra studying definitely paid off. As far as class goes, I've been trying to get him copies of all lists and definitions so that he can study the terms exactly as they will be used on the tests. Other than that, he appears to be doing well in class.

FROM HIS BIOLOGY TEACHER:

Ryan is a joy to have in class. He works very hard.

FROM HIS MATH TEACHER:

Ryan has been doing fairly well in class. He is shy and quiet, but always paying attention. I do have to make sure he is writing down what we are going over in class sometimes. I have an itinerant in the classroom with me now, so we will do our best to keep Matt on task, especially with the note taking.

Conclusion: In the academic realm, Ryan is doing beyond what any of us imagined! Some of these comments almost had me in tears. No teacher has ever said that Ryan is a "joy" to have in class, or that he works hard. I truly consider this a miracle. If people could see what Ryan was like ten years ago to whom he is today, they would not believe him to be the same person! The hard road is worth the journey!

Started Working Full Time Today

Well, today I started working full time, outside the home. I left Corporate America after our third son was born, so it has been years! I have to admit it was fun to be out of the house, using my brain in a new, challenging way. New people, new environment, new responsibilities... no problem! Right?

I have to admit that I had questions as to whether or not I would be successful. However, I just listened, took notes, and asked questions. I felt very confident by the end of the day--that I had done my best. I was no longer worried about success.

So how did everything go at home? First, I was happy that the house had not burned down. Second, I saw the boys getting dinner. The table was set. The boys argued about what time to eat. They argued about who was going to cook muffins, rice, or ?? They each wanted something different. Third, I had to teach piano lessons, so I only had time to encourage them to work together.

By the time I was done teaching, dinner was over. I saw the muffin tin in the sink, so I knew that muffins won. I have no idea who mixed and baked them. No one bragged to me. I only saw the boys were all reading or doing home work. Really!

Then Nick started a load of laundry. When the washing machine stopped, Stuart moved the clothes from the washer into the dryer. They were working together!!!

Maybe I should have started this working thing a while ago... there were no problems. Day One Down.

After 15 Years, My Son Can Talk!

"Fowler."

Fifteen year old Ryan received an invitation to a Christmas party about two weeks ago. He asked if he could go, and after seeing who sent it, I responded, "Sure." He then gave me the invitation. "What am I suppose to do with this?" I inquired. He looked at me with the expression of "duh". I informed him that I was not going to call. "If you want to go, you call." I knew I had a few weeks before any action really had to be taken, so I was not worried about him missing the party.

The invitation positioned itself quite nicely in the middle of our fridge, beckoning me to make that call. I had to resist. Well, today WE had two VICTORIES! #1) I didn't give in, and #2) Ryan made the call, just out of the blue. He was well spoken, concise and clear. This was his first time responding... He didn't waste a word. Not that he ever does. The job was done. YEA!

I know that a fifteen-year-old making this phone call is an ordinary occurrence in many households. Not mine. This is the kid who wasn't verbal until he was five, and then it was only one or two-word phrases. Doctors thought he'd never talk. I was told to accept it, deal with it, but there was certainly NOTHING I could do. I remember I heard the word "institution". Keep in mind that these doctors were telling me this before Ryan was even diagnosed with autism.

Ryan had been born healthy, and he hit all those baby milestones early. At four months Ryan could grasp his dad's hands and pull himself from a sitting position to a standing position. He was walking at nine months. He was able to turn on the TV and put a video in the VCR by 12 months. At the same time he said his first word: flower; well, it was, "Fowler". He said it looking straight at a rose bush. Little did I know that Ryan would not utter that word for six more years, when he was seven.

Ryan learned "mom" and "dad" and anything that meant food. Or ball. He was all boy. A very normal boy. However, by the time he was two, I noticed he was not talking much. I mentioned it to the pediatrician who assured me that I was an overly-concerned mom. "Everyone develops at their own rate, but by the time they're five, they're all the same." The doc was wrong.

Ryan had 31 "words" by the time he was four. I still have the list. Over half of those "words" were utterances that we could decipher. The other half was torture for both parents and child. If we could not figure out what he wanted within 30 seconds or so, the tantrums began. Screaming. Running. Crying. All uncontrollable. If I were home alone, I didn't have much time before I joined the crying. How could I not know what he wanted? I'm his mom. I was a frustrated, frantic, anxious mom. Worst of all, I was helpless. I could not give my baby what he wanted or needed. Tragic. He was my third child; I certainly should have had enough experience. I didn't.

I remember being at the store one time, and Ryan "said" something to the clerk. He asked me what Ryan had said. I looked at the clerk blankly, and replied, "I heard what you heard." He looked at me in dismay. That look accused me. How could I not know? Why? Because I was this baby's mom. Yeah, no pressure.

Fast forward through years of tests, doctors, hearing tests, and the problem was "in my head", but a mom knows when something is wrong with her child. Looking back now, I think some doctors "diagnosed" him with something, just to shut me up. He'd been diagnosed with many different things, and through my research, I found that all those "things" combined could indicate autism. I knew this only because six months prior to Ryan's diagnosis, Ryan's younger brother was diagnosed with autism, and I was learning all about it. Autism. Ryan was finally diagnosed at age seven with autism. I grieved. At the same time that Ryan was diagnosed, his littlest brother was also diagnosed. I grieved for three boys. Autism had no cure.

Years of speech therapy loomed in Ryan's future. He had to learn how to make sounds, blend sounds, form words, all leading up to talking in phrases. Then sentences. Then... So now, at age 15, he is comfortable enough with words to be able to RSVP to a party. High five! This definitely is a success story! He's slowly conquering that autism. Or maybe there's a pretty girl with a flower...

The photo of the "fowler" belongs to photogirl7

Celebrate Successes Often

I just attended a wonderful annual event called the Birthday Party for Jesus. It’s an event that is sponsored by our home schooling group. Every year the kids get to show off their wonderful skills of whatever they wish to “give” to Jesus.

This year many children recited poems, sang songs, and played instruments. It definitely reminded me of The Little Drummer Boy, when he arrived at the feet of the Baby Jesus and had nothing of material worth to give. However, he showed his love for the Babe through his talent of music through the drum. These children gave of themselves; whether timid or bold, they shared a priceless treasure.

My youngest four sons participated, including my two autistic sons, Ryan and Nicholas, as they have done for the last three years. They all played the piano, with varying success, but they played. As a music teacher, I was so focused on “how well” they played that I wasn’t “mom” and simply enjoyed that they played. It took three different mothers to tell me how much they enjoyed my sons’ playing to make me realize how critical I can be rather than enjoying the simple pleasure of their talents.

These admirable ladies also remarked on how my autistic sons have progressed over the last three years. Mrs. L reminded me that Ryan didn’t even participate three years ago, although he was prepared. He simply would not do it. I totally forgot that. Mrs. S expressed how much progress Ryan has made in the last two years. She relayed that Ryan talks and joins in the activities with the other teens when he visits on Teen Night. It was Mrs. P who enlightened me that whatever I may know about the musical score, that to everyone else, it was music, and they enjoyed it. My sons, including the ones with autism, were successful.

I found myself absolutely surprised. How could I forget those small steps of success? The successes are so few, but monumental. I can only think that those successes are overshadowed by the daily turmoil of endless therapies and redundant lessons. Every parent of a special-needs child knows that every success celebrates the result of hard work, but it is quickly replaced with another goal. Being able to answer with one word is replaced by being able to answer with two words. Being a parent of kids, let alone autistic kids, offers endless tasks of teaching them everything they need to live, but we really have to celebrate those victories. And remember them.

Thanks to Mrs. L, Mrs. S, and Mrs. P. Thank you very much!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ju-x/