Consoled By A Little Fat

A mom must remain optimistic. A sense of humor doesn't hurt either. Sometimes kids, even with autism, unknowingly provide opportunities to laugh.

Case Study:
Over the last six, stressful months, I have put on a few pounds. These pounds are definitely not needed nor wanted. I voiced that thought. My son, Ryan, heard me. He tried to console me, "Mom, you are not REALLY fat. You're just A LITTLE fat." I was not sure how to react. He was sincere. He spoke the truth as he saw it. I ended up laughing.

Here is an autistic teen trying to make me feel better. Of course, I would have preferred no mention of "fat". I had to laugh and go with it. I also noted that Matt is developing empathy in a relationship; that is not typical of many kids with autism. So I applaud Ryan.

Mixed-Sorted Laundry

Nick surprised me by doing the laundry yesterday. I expressed my gratitude, and I had to suppress a giggle. I hope I hid my shock. Why would I have gratitude, giggles, and shock? Well, Nick did the laundry!

Last April I worked a seasonal job, and I asked for someone to take the responsibility of washing clothes. Nick volunteered to do the laundry. I taught him how to sort by colors, which temperature to use, and what each cycle meant. I showed him how much detergent to use. He did quite well after several practice runs. While I worked, he did fine.

Well, several months have lapsed.

Yesterday, he sorted the clothes by dark colors, whites, and towels. I watched him do the first load. He picked the towels. He tossed them in the washing machine. He put in the correct amount of detergent on the correct cycle. YEA. He remembers! All my concern faded quickly, and I left.

About an hour later, Nick announced that he had switched the loads. Everything was going smoothly. I smiled. I could focus on other items demanding my attention.

Another hour lapsed, and I walked by the laundry room when Nick was switching the current load from the washer to the dryer. I noticed a mix of white and dark clothes coming out of the washing machine. ??? I saw him sort the clothing. What had happened?

Nick explained that he put in the white clothes, but there wasn't enough to fill the washer. He knew that he could only run the washer on a full load, per my instructions. Consequently, he put in the dark load to fill the machine. The whites remained on the bottom, and the dark clothes were on the top. They were still separated. Really?!

From his perspective, yes.

He had sorted the clothes. He followed Mom's instructions to not run the washer unless it was full. He did as directed. Literally. Nick was proud of himself!

Yes, Mom could scream, laugh, or frown. I chose the laugh.

I did explain that the reason for sorting is to NOT mix them in the machine. I showed Nick how to change the water level in case this ever happened again. I had to rephrase the instructions of the "full washer". TRY to run the machine as full as possible. If it isn't full, either wait until there are more clothes, or switch the water level.

Only time will tell if this lesson is learned.

Life with teenagers who have autism. It keeps me on my toes. Definitely need to keep a sense of humor and optimism.

photo credit:Average Jane

Do Not Worry--Easier Said Than Done

Matthew 6:33-34

³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This is my favorite passage out of the bible. It answers all worry and strife.
First, seek God. He made us. I just wish He gave us a roadmap in plain English, especially when it comes to raising our children--with and without special needs. I guess that would be too easy, and that would not make us seek Him out.
Side note: If it's any consolation, a line in a movie made me feel much better about raising kids. Paraphrased, in all the history of mankind, not one child has been raised right. (Mrs. C. please help with the name of that movie, starring Jimmy Stewart.)
Second, God will provide us what we need. We may disagree with the timing and with the things required, but He will provide. I think this is the hardest to accept.
Third, it says, ..."do not worry..." How much effort and time are wasted worrying, and does it solve anything? No. I think moms are wired to worry, but we'd be more effective if we overcame it. Sleepless nights spent thinking about something that we can't change only produces black circles under the eyes and crabby attitudes. Of course, that is easier said than done.
Here is more of the passage:

Matthew 6:28-34

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Footprints with a Twist-Part II

There is no doubt that the imagery and faith conveyed in the poem, "Footprints in the Sand", are beautiful, personal revelations by the author. I am positive that many people have found consolation and hope via this poem. In fact, I have found inspiration by reading this poem in times of difficulty.

So why do I say my experience has been different from the warm and fuzzy ending? When I have spoken with people about this, I usually get a laugh and a comment, "That's twisted." So be warned.

When I have been carried, I have not necessarily gone quietly. I was probably carried in a fireman's hold because I was kicking and screaming. I could have been carried, well, dragged which would have left a stream of lines and footprints, indicating I was trying to run away. I was carried like a rebellious child throwing a tantrum because I didn't like what was ahead of me. I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to deal with it.

It? What is "it"?

I certainly didn't volunteer to be a mother of two autistic teens, let alone of four kids with disabilities at one point. I didn't want to mourn a child lost in a miscarriage. I could list a myriad of issues and problems. Alas, everyone has things to handle, and everyone's ability to do so varies. So who's to judge what is a hard life or who's problems are bigger?

I like happy endings. I root for the underdog. I like things simply stated. I acknowledge what is left unsaid. Some things just can't be expressed through words. Both love and pain make us grow, whether we want to or not. The only solution I see is trust in the Good Lord, whichever way he carries us. It's an act of faith that gives me hope.

Footprints with a Twist-Part I

Most people are familiar with the poem of "Footprints", and the usual reaction is a favorable one, "I really like that."

I disagree.

The end of the poem says that the Good Lord was present, actually carrying the individual at the lowest part of his/her life. That is the warm fuzzy-ending that makes everyone happy. Note that I am not disputing it. I have been carried many times, probably more than I know.

One thing is missing: how is the individual carried?

I suspect most people would envision a warm envelopment between a loving parent and child. I can easily see a father's hug shielding his child from the world. He carries his child effortlessly. He comforts his child, assuring that his child is protected. No harm will come. No hurt. His child is loved. His child needs to know nothing more, but His love.

My experience is radically different.

photo credit: almostsummersky

Footprints in the Sand

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

Copyright © 1984 Mary Stevenson, from original 1936 text, All rights reserved

Perfect Hope

Do not anticipate problems with apprehension, but with a perfect hope that God, to whom you belong, will free you from them accordingly. — Quiet Moments With Padre Pio

photo credit:DieselDemon

Do Not Be Anxious About Anything

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ.

Philippians 4:6-7

Worry. Anxiety. Concerns. Problems. To all of them I say, "Ick." Who needs them? Nevertheless, we get them, whether or not we have special needs kids.

I know we can decide to be happy or not, but always being an optimistic eludes me. Sometimes screaming just is easier. Or being totally silent.

There are a few biblical passages or famous sayings I have found that help me get through those moments when I am less than good ol' Pollyanna. I try to focus on one for a few minutes each day, usually in the morning before the chaos begins. That translates into "before the kids get up". I am not a morning person, so I'm only up a few minutes before the herd.

I have had several moms tell me that the above quote from Philippians hits home. It's part of my "email signature" right now. I don't know how many people actually read it. I do know that some have found inspiration from it, just like I did.

So for today, it is still one moment at a time, trusting Christ will see me through. Therein lies peace.

Want To Trade Your Life For A Better Model?

Ever wanted to just walk away? I admit that the last few months have been difficult, and these thoughts have crossed my mind a few times. Hence, I have not written much. Being a mom of five boys has spirited ups and downs. Throw in special needs issues, and life is uncontrolled chaos filled with extreme joys and failures. Every minute step of success is short-lived because it is immediately followed by a new goal. That new goal promises hours of laborious attempts of repetitive actions or lessons which might be learned, even mastered. Yet, there is no guarantee. I won't mention the failures... I play a guessing game as to what is the next step to help my sons. At stake is the success or failure of my boys' lives--being able to live independently and fruitfully in every aspect life has to offer: spiritually, financially, emotionally, academically, and other --ally things I can't name right now. No pressure. My youngest three boys were diagnosed with autism about nine years ago. My second oldest had a speech delay which was diagnosed three years earlier. Never did I dream that my youngest four boys would have a disability. It's been a tough road. Along that road many people have offered words of encouragement, such as, "You'll be fine". "You're strong." "You can do it." "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Really? All of these expressions have their merit, but who in their right mind really believes that a mom who has no training in special needs can handle four special needs kids? Even if she can handle it for a while, is there a breaking point? When is "enough" enough? When is it time to take a break? When is it time to step back and say, "That is all I can do?" I wish I had the answers. Everyone has a different threshold. Everyone has "stuff" do muddle through. I have written about many of my autistic sons' successes. I have not written much about the younger, tougher years. I have not expressed many of the hardships to get to this point. Every so often a mom will ask, "How do you do it?" I try to smile, and I answer, "I don't." The mom might smile back or think I'm crazy. I will explain that I pray a lot. The boys' progress and my sanity are acts of faith. I am not always fine, and certainly not always strong. I have shed a tear or two. I will indulge in a "pity party". Then I pick myself up and go. I do have a loving husband, supportive parents, and wonderful friends. Nevertheless, they are not home with my boys 24/7. I can relay experiences, but only a parent of a special needs child could truly understand the cost, the unending sacrifice required. Every so often the car's gas tank needs to be filled; otherwise, the car won't go. Humans are no different, but it is not as easy as going to the gas station. Years of dealing with special needs issues have taken their toll on me. Other issues are also pressing. Life! I take life one moment at a time. Through prayer I cling to hope. Those are enough for now.