It's Japanese To Me

Ryan and Jennifer, his Japanese teacher

For so many years I have had to figure out how to teach "normal" tasks to my boys.  My boys can do most of the normal chores expected from teenagers now.  As they have mastered tasks, of course, new goals are set.  To make life easier for me, I've encouraged the boys to pursue interests or classes that I had some background or experience.  Therefore, I could help them if necessary.  As the boys grow up, they are expanding their horizons, beyond MY comfort zone.  I can't help them, and that is a good thing.

Ryan has developed an interest in Japanese. His interest has grown to include many aspects of Japanese culture.  I find myself listening to Japanese music. I dodge a swinging katana, a traditional Japanese sword, if I enter Ryan's room.  He's taken lessons to learn to speak the language.  He's totally independent of me in this endeavor.  I can't help him figure out anything if he's confused.  So he has to think for himself.  Not a bad thing by any means.  But I have to stop myself from trying to help him.  So many years of MY programming as a mom with special needs kids have to be undone, or re-programmed.

My role of MOM continues to change as these young men with autism continue to progress toward independent life!

Tumor: Stressed Induced?

I received the call from the doc's office on Thursday afternoon with the lab test results.  The tumor was benign.  YEA.  Ok.  Many questions remain unanswered.  How could this tennis ball size tumor remain hidden for 5 years?  What caused the tumor in the first place?  Could it have been prevented?  These all lead to this question:  Am I taking care of myself?

I highly suspect this tumor is the result of stress. It was growing over muscles that are constantly tight whenever I am stressed.  And when am I not stressed?  When is any mom not stressed?  By nature of motherhood, something always requires attention.

Then add on special needs kids.  Therapies, diets, agencies, doctors all demand attention, but the children themselves are the priority.  And don't forget the marriage.  The spouses try to squeeze in a few minutes of communication here and there!

I have had some people ask me when I get down time.  HAHAHA.  They usually figure out that there is no such thing for me.  Even if I am sitting, my thoughts don't stop.  When I sleep, I often wake up, processing information because I can finally think without being interrupted.

Am I stressed?  Yep.  Some doctors have told me that I need to remove whatever causes stress.  Well, unless I can walk away from life, I don't think I'll remove it all.  This will be a work in progress.  Of course, I am much more aware of how stress can impede my health...

Autism Concern: When The Parents Are Gone

Here's to life!

What will happen to my kids when I'm dead and gone?  That's a question every parent with a special needs kid asks.  It's a legitimate question.

I see how people have treated my kids--both bad and good.  I have seen and heard the teasing, the rolling eyes, the ignoring, the avoiding, the comments in relation to my boys with autism.  I have seen the pain in my boys' eyes caused by others.  The flip side is the support, the protection, the friendships offered and given to my boys.  I have seen my boys' joy and laughter.  It fills their entire beings.

As a mother, I doubt anyone else will ever love and understand my boys as well as I do.  I hope one day to be proven wrong.  Nevertheless, I see reality and cringe. 

This past year Mike and I have started to address the reality of our mortality.  We have gotten needed documents in order.  We have named who will "parent" should we die sooner than expected.  We've even made burial plans.  Not fun topics, but necessary.  Of course, our focus is still life--living the best life we can!

I'm glad the "dead stuff" is mostly done.  This last week, I met "my future".  I never anticipated hearing "go see a specialist" and "surgery Monday".  Yet, I did.  I am not worried about me.  My kids?  Well, that just takes me back to the beginning.  What will happen to my kids when I'm dead and gone?

Do Not Worry--Easier Said Than Done

Matthew 6:33-34

³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This is my favorite passage out of the bible. It answers all worry and strife.
First, seek God. He made us. I just wish He gave us a roadmap in plain English, especially when it comes to raising our children--with and without special needs. I guess that would be too easy, and that would not make us seek Him out.
Side note: If it's any consolation, a line in a movie made me feel much better about raising kids. Paraphrased, in all the history of mankind, not one child has been raised right. (Mrs. C. please help with the name of that movie, starring Jimmy Stewart.)
Second, God will provide us what we need. We may disagree with the timing and with the things required, but He will provide. I think this is the hardest to accept.
Third, it says, ..."do not worry..." How much effort and time are wasted worrying, and does it solve anything? No. I think moms are wired to worry, but we'd be more effective if we overcame it. Sleepless nights spent thinking about something that we can't change only produces black circles under the eyes and crabby attitudes. Of course, that is easier said than done.
Here is more of the passage:

Matthew 6:28-34

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.