As a toddler, he played with his toys by himself mostly, but he did laugh and enjoy his older brothers' company. I could hear him laugh with them. He also loved to run with them. He was a natural at distance running, which he had to be to keep up with the bigger boys.
As autism emerged, Ryan isolated himself into his own world. I reflect back, and I surmise it was easier for him to exist. He lost most of his speech. At age four, he had command of 31 words, 15 of them were more akin to grumbles than real words.
Over the years we encouraged him and helped him learn to deal with our world. He has grown into a young man of hidden talent, incredible imagination, and indisputable intelligence. He can communicate well with anyone who asks him questions. Most people would simply think he is a shy person.
He has wants and dreams like anyone else. He craves to be recognized as an individual. I respect his desire to move out and be responsible for himself. Early this month we submitted an application for an apartment. Pending that approval, there is an apartment vacancy coming at the end of the month that Ryan was offered. Ryan enthusiastically accepted. Ryan smiled.
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| Ryan's photo work |
As a mom, my goal is to raise children who will move out and be their own persons as adults. My love is to push them out the door, ultimately. My two oldest sons have moved out, and I happily let them go, with a slight twinge of bittersweet pang. With Ryan I have more concern and questions regarding his readiness to face the world alone. However, I am reminded that every man must face the world. Alone. Autism or not.
While I may lurk in the background, that is all I can probably do--lurk. I have to let him go. He may fall, and I won't be able to kiss his cheek, wipe away a tear, and hug him. I won't be able to reassure him and encourage him spontaneously. He will have to find his way, make his own decisions, and reap his rewards or consequences.
It may be more of a difficult transition for me than Ryan, but he has become his own man!
What a remarkable story, Shaine. You did everything in your power to raise healthy, independent sons despite the enormous odds against it and you succeeded! Please keep us posted on how Ryan fares in the adult world.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful story! I believe in Ryan. He has exhibited an incredible degree of independence at RMG Imaging Artists. In fact, it appears the more independence he is given, the more he thrives. You and Mike are terrific parents and have done a great job at creating attainable challenges!
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