Nick Asked A Girl To Prom

"I want to ask her.  I don't know what to say?" said the text.

"Will you go to prom with me?" was my reply.

So then I waited to hear from Nick.  Did he actually asked her? I wanted to text back, but I didn't want to put any more pressure on Nick.  The day passed with nothing more.

The next morning I found out he didn't ask her.  He would try again that day.  When I arrived home from work, I asked my husband if Nick had asked.  Mike nodded, "He wrote a note, but he didn't receive a reply."  I was on pins and needles.  I bet Nick was too.  The second day passed.

I made sure I was home from school when Nick arrived.  I asked how his day was.  "Fine," was all I received.  I could not wait, but I casually asked, "Did she respond?"

Nick hesitated.  "Yes."  Then he broke into a smile.  "She said she'd love to go to prom with me."

I think my heart had held its breath for the last two days.  All of a sudden, I felt a huge sigh escape, and my heart beamed.  

It's always difficult to see my son in social settings.  Communication is difficult as it is for any young adult with autism.  Throw in the dating scene.  What teen isn't nervous at some point about rejection?

Nick gathered the courage, and asked.  The payoff was worth the risk.  Now the planning begins for Prom!

Ryan Moving Out?!

Ever since Ryan was a baby, he wanted to be independent.  As soon as he learned to walk at nine months, he was in constant motion.  At ten months, he was running.  He wanted to be where he was not.  Wherever we travelled, he explored his environment with great speed and enthusiasm.

As a toddler, he played with his toys by himself mostly, but he did laugh and enjoy his older brothers' company.  I could hear him laugh with them.  He also loved to run with them.  He was a natural at distance running, which he had to be to keep up with the bigger boys.

As autism emerged, Ryan isolated himself into his own world.  I reflect back, and I surmise it was easier for him to exist.  He lost most of his speech.  At age four, he had command of 31 words, 15 of them were more akin to grumbles than real words.

Over the years we encouraged him and helped him learn to deal with our world.  He has grown into a young man of hidden talent, incredible imagination, and indisputable intelligence.  He can communicate well with anyone who asks him questions.  Most people would simply think he is a shy person.

He has wants and dreams like anyone else.  He craves to be recognized as an individual.  I respect his desire to move out and be responsible for himself.  Early this month we submitted an application for an apartment.  Pending that approval, there is an apartment vacancy coming at the end of the month that Ryan was offered.  Ryan enthusiastically accepted.  Ryan smiled.

Ryan's photo work

As a mom, my goal is to raise children who will move out and be their own persons as adults.  My love is to push them out the door, ultimately.  My two oldest sons have moved out, and I happily let them go, with a slight twinge of bittersweet pang.  With Ryan I have more concern and questions regarding his readiness to face the world alone.  However, I am reminded that every man must face the world.  Alone.  Autism or not.

While I may lurk in the background, that is all I can probably do--lurk.  I have to let him go.  He may fall, and I won't be able to kiss his cheek, wipe away a tear, and hug him.  I won't be able to reassure him and encourage him spontaneously.  He will have to find his way, make his own decisions, and reap his rewards or consequences.

It may be more of a difficult transition for me than Ryan, but he has become his own man!

The Job: Is This My Son Ryan?

Ryan guiding a new student

Last week Ryan moved up from intern to employee. What a change in him!!

When Ryan started these photo shop classes last year, he needed time to absorb the environment, people, schedule, let alone the content--typical of any young adult with autism.  I had hoped, that given time, Ryan would become comfortable and adapt.  What has occurred is beyond any expectation. 

When Ryan Johnson first came to RMG Imaging Artists, he spoke little and kept himself isolated from others, preferring to spend his breaks and conversational efforts completely immersed in the world of the novels he writes on his laptop. However, something happened over the past year; something akin to the astonishing metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. Conversation has become a normal part of Ryan's day, smiles spread across his face regularly, and he exhibits great pride in the work he performs. He has applied himself to achieve, and in so doing, he has earned a sense of accomplishment, self-assurance, and position of respect among his peers. Ryan now talks to staff and his fellow artists with confidence—an extraordinary and heartwarming transformation! 

-Denise Gary, RMG Imaging Artists LLC

This is beyond any hope I've had.  My eyes get misty...

Photo Credit:  RMG Imaging Artists 

Three Teenagers--And Then There Were Two!

Nick, Cam, Ryan

Today is the last day I will have three teenagers in my home.  Tomorrow Ryan turns 20.  Talk about him growing up within the blink of the eye, but then I think of all the tears and joys along the way of his 20 years.  Quite a life he has lived so far.

For the first couple of years of his life, Ryan was fearless.  He knew no boundaries.  It was scary.  He met all his milestones early, such as walking when he was nine months.  As he developed sensory issues, he lost communication skills.  We went to doctors and specialists for several years.  He was diagnosed with several ABCs, 123s, meaning PDD-NOS, ADD, OCD, and speech delay.  Ultimately he was seven when he was diagnosed with autism.  His brothers were diagnosed the same year with autism too.

Our world was rocked.  We brought in lots of therapists to work with them.  None of the boys liked strangers.  Until Meredith.  The boys took to her.  Ryan was the fastest to respond because he liked her baby.  Meredith and Baby brought Ryan out of his world.  We loved her immediately.  She also worked well with Nick and Cam, but most people had the hardest time establishing a rapport with Ryan.  Unfortunately, Meredith moved, and Ryan had to adapt.  That didn't work so well, but that relationship showed us that Ryan could connect with people outside the family. That was 12 years ago.

Ryan showing Dad his photos

Ryan has had many therapists since, and he has moved beyond what any doctors thought possible.  He continues to grow beyond our initial hopes after the diagnosis.  In fact, he finding his way in the world slower than his peers, but he is succeeding.  For example, we have been surprised by his maturity in the last year, especially as illustrated in his photo shop class.  He was quiet and shy, and now he is assisting beginners.

I can't wait to see what this decade will bring Ryan!

Second photo credit:  RMG Imaging Artists

No Job? No College? Why?

Ryan assisting new student

School is back in session for my youngest three boys. The younger two are in high school, and Ryan is going to which college?  He isn't sure how to answer. Then they ask, "Well, where do you work?" Awkward silence follows.

In the typical world, a person graduates from high school, and then he attends college or gets a job. Friends and family are curious and wish to share in what's going on, and they ask, "What college...?" In the life of an adult with autism, that can be a frustrating conversation.

Why?  The set expectation does not apply to the autistic world.

I have listened to these conversations from a distance. Ryan usually does muster enough information to answer questions.  Nonetheless, the other person is still perplexed because Ryan isn't following the "expected" format. He's not going to college.  He's not working.  However, he's on the road to both.

We have developed a description of what Ryan's status is.  Ryan attends a private trade school.  He is learning skills to be an imaging artist.  Currently, he is interning to assist new students.  This can lead to a paid position as a PIT (photoshop imaging tech) crew member.

Life is hard enough when it doesn't fit into a preconceived idea.  It's even more difficult to try to explain the "what I'm doing" let alone the "why I'm doing" this.  Now add the lack of communication that is symptomatic of autism.  Double whammy!  Yet, Ryan perseveres!

Photo credit: RMG Imaging Artists