Happy Marriage

The first item I need to address is our marriage.  When I have talked about being away from home, most people have jumped to the conclusion that my marriage is in trouble.  Or over.  Neither is the case.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.

We have a happy marriage. I gain strength from my husband.  He is one of the most patient and selfless men I know.  He says that I don't drive him crazy.  That is a wonder in itself.  Probably a miracle.  I drive myself crazy at times.  How can I NOT drive him crazy?  Yet I believe him.  He is a man of great integrity.

Mike has told me a few times that marriage is about acceptance.  He accepts me.  He knows I'll try my best.  My best may be short-lived.  Quite often, it is, but he doesn't need to know exactly how often!

I admire my husband.  He truly amazes me, even after 21 years of marriage.  Next month it will be 22 years.  Not many couples have endured autism, but then again, I am sure there are couples who have endured more than we have.

This isn't about the thresh-hold of our marriage.  It is that we are married.  We are committed to each other.  We love each other.  We trust each other.  That particular vow of "for better or worse"... resonates. 

It's like St Paul says in chapter 14 of his letter to the Corinthians, love is patient; love is kind, et al.

St Paul describes my husband.

The Battle Begins: Trust The Parent?

The first Monday morning of summer school I went to the school early to talk with the computer teacher, Mr. L. I informed him that my two boys had autism and IEPs (Individual Educational Plans-- big name for the educational goals that teachers and parents set for the child). The teacher said that he would get everything from the computer. I offered my cell phone, and he replied that was on the computer too.

The first week of summer school passed. Nick was very frustrated. He had a D+. If anyone knows Nick, he or she would know something was terribly wrong. This is the child that is the perfectionist. Back in March he had one A+, three As, and one A-. He was NOT happy because he did not have straight As. The A- was not good enough. The next report card showed five As. Nick was happy.

So this D+ was not good.

Ryan had a B. Ryan is the one who can wait til the Earth fades before pulling out a book to study.

I tried to figure this out. I asked the boys several questions. I received some conflicting answers, but what was clear was that the special accommodations that were listed on the IEPs were not being implemented. Nick and Ryan are suppose to get extended time on assignments and tests. That was not happening. Nick needed that time.

The following Monday morning my husband and I showed up with copies of the accommodation pages from the boys' IEPs. Mr. L refused to accept the pages. He said that, since these papers did not come from the administrative office, he could not accept them. There were legalities involved.

I was stunned. NEVER in my life had a teacher refused these papers. In fact, teachers usually expressed gratitude, "Thanks. It usually takes the office days or weeks to get these to us."

Mr. L asked me if I understood. The Mama Bear in me challenged him, "No." I took a breath. "No, I don't. I've never had a teacher question my integrity before." I had to restrain myself...

My husband and I walked to the administration office, and we talked with the principal. She said, "You need to understand that we have 1300 students here. It's going to take time." I bit my tongue.

The next day I made an appointment with the vice principal and the teacher. The vice principal, Mr. Z, was a teacher that knew from Nick's junior high. When we arrived at the classroom, Mr. L was busy at the computer. We sat down. Mr. Z asked if I brought copies of the boys' IEP so he could read them. I laughed. Here is an administrator asking ME, the untrustworthy parent, if I had copies. He couldn't get copies from the computer in the administration office? He was going to TRUST ME, the parent? How daring!

The meeting was successful, but I couldn't get over the irony of the teacher vs the vice principal. One refusing the IEP from me, and the other wanting a copy from me.

Just another day in the life of being an advocate for my kids in the school system!

photo credit:TI CC-40 (Set: 30)