It's Japanese To Me

Ryan and Jennifer, his Japanese teacher

For so many years I have had to figure out how to teach "normal" tasks to my boys.  My boys can do most of the normal chores expected from teenagers now.  As they have mastered tasks, of course, new goals are set.  To make life easier for me, I've encouraged the boys to pursue interests or classes that I had some background or experience.  Therefore, I could help them if necessary.  As the boys grow up, they are expanding their horizons, beyond MY comfort zone.  I can't help them, and that is a good thing.

Ryan has developed an interest in Japanese. His interest has grown to include many aspects of Japanese culture.  I find myself listening to Japanese music. I dodge a swinging katana, a traditional Japanese sword, if I enter Ryan's room.  He's taken lessons to learn to speak the language.  He's totally independent of me in this endeavor.  I can't help him figure out anything if he's confused.  So he has to think for himself.  Not a bad thing by any means.  But I have to stop myself from trying to help him.  So many years of MY programming as a mom with special needs kids have to be undone, or re-programmed.

My role of MOM continues to change as these young men with autism continue to progress toward independent life!

First Paychecks for Ryan and Nick

Ryan in his new role

Easter has come and gone, and so has the Easter Bunny.  Literally. Ryan and Nick's jobs are finished as the Easter Bunny moves on, but not without some unexpected surprises.  Ryan was able to fill in as "The Bunny" when needed.  He loved it.  He liked to interact with the kids, but he didn't have to talk!  A dream job for someone with autism!!

Saturday was also pay day.  Both Ryan and Nick received their first paychecks.  Smile they did.

This has been a wonderful learning experience for both of them.  They had to learn to speak up to get information.  They were guided on their duties throughout the few weeks.  Mike and I transported them to and from the job.  Sometimes they didn't like the wait, so their driving becomes paramount now.

Tis one more step towards independence!  (Theirs and ours!!)

A Miracle?

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary.  To one without faith, no explanation is possible." ― St. Thomas Aquinas

Four years ago I experienced an amazing event.  It's a matter of healing and faith.  I can only describe what happened, and leave the conclusion to the reader.

About 17 years ago I began to lose function in my left hand. This greatly effected my playing the piano.  As the years progressed, pain accompanied the loss of action, and my right hand experienced the same loss and pain.  The type of pain was never consistent.  I eventually lost strength and the ability to hold things. Teaching the piano was coming to an end.  I couldn't imagine life without music, let alone my livelihood.

My family had witnessed my loss.  I remember getting strange looks when I accompanied my dad.  I couldn't hide my wrong notes as he sang.  Consequently, I stopped playing in public.  I used CDs and DVDs to aid in teaching my advanced students at the piano. At dinner my sons ran to catch their meal if I yelled, "Help!"  They did not like it when I dropped the dish full of food.  

In late 2009 I announced that I would retire in May, 2010.

Totally unrelated to this ongoing matter, something else was brewing.  The economy was bad, and Christmas approached.  Money was tight.  I tried to think of how I could put something out of nothing under the Christmas Tree for my young boys.  Something simple. I recognized I was not a creative person, but I refused to give up.

And I prayed.  Not necessarily for presents, but for my family.  I found myself praying the rosary.  Now to some, that may be an old prayer for old ladies or an outdated set of worry beads.  Oh well.  I decided to pray because it certainly couldn't hurt.  This particular day in December I ended up praying all four sets of the rosary (20 decades).  I was stuck in the car all day, and I had plenty of time.

That night I felt such peace--indescribable.  Peace, nonetheless.

I liked that peace, so I dared to repeat the 20 decades of the rosary a few days later.  The peace returned that night.  Thus, a habit formed.

A month later, I met with a friend who was a priest.  He noticed I couldn't hold my coffee mug, and I briefly explained my incapability of doing so.  He offered to bless my hands.  I accepted, but with the thought, "It couldn't hurt."  I was not expecting any great results.

I played for my niece's wedding Feb, 2014

I continued my rosary daily, saying all the mysteries of the rosary.  I prayed for my family.  I never asked for any healing for myself.  Within a few weeks of the blessing, I noticed the pain in my hands and wrists had subsided.  Function returned.  As of April 16, 2010 my hands and wrists were pain free.  I had also regained all use of my hands.

The story doesn't end there.  The summer of 2010 I found myself being offered a position as a pianist at our local church.  Four years later, I have full strength, no pain, and play more music than ever.

Getting The Job

Second day on the job

Who knew that a young, 20 year old woman with no college or special training could get my 19 year old, autistic son employed faster than a professional expert with college degrees and years of experience?

I am amazed and stumped that this is the reality for my son.  I have had several positive experiences with government agencies, but I've had just as many negative experiences. I find private enterprise wins again.

Here is an example:

Vocational Rehabilitation is a part of our state's department of economic security.  We have been working for two and half years with our local voc/rehab office to help Ryan get a job. Well, not even a job.  Just ideas for a job.  Our first goal was to acquire opportunities to job shadow.  The experts evaluated and questioned Ryan at length.  To no avail.  Unless you count that their conclusion was for Ryan to work at a facility that was obviously for lower functioning adults.  

I protested, but I agreed to visit this place.  I went alone.  I had an idea of what I was to encounter because I had done some research on the internet.  However, I still was not prepared for the reality.  This facility probably was a blessing to the disabled employees who worked there, to provide meaningful work and a sense of independence.  However, this was not an appropriate place for Ryan.

I was appalled that the "experts" confidently recommended this place to my son.  I put experts in quotes because Ryan's voc/rehab counselor used that word.  The exact phrase was, "We are experts who work with special needs adults to get them jobs."  

I responded, "You may be an expert with special needs and employment, but you are not an expert in my son.  I am."  I then added, "I thought we were a team."  The counselor agreed, but it didn't matter.  The job coach and the counselor were convinced that Ryan belonged at this facility.

My husband took Ryan to visit the facility.  The visit lasted less than ten minutes.  Ryan said that he didn't belong there because he wouldn't fit in.

I won't go into the history of just getting to this point of having a job coach through the counselor.   I really thought that the professionals could help steer Ryan in finding a career.  I was happy that doors would finally open for Ryan to explore.  My sources were limited in getting Ryan to observe and experience various jobs.  Anyone knows that first hand experience is the best way to learn.  That is acutely needed for young adults with autism.  We had hoped that Ryan would be able to job shadow several jobs, ask employees questions, and experience Corporate America at some level.

But no doors were opened for Ryan.  Not until this young lady approached me and asked if Ryan liked working with kids.  Ryan and I both told the voc/rehab counselor this fact early on, but that didn't yield any path.  So private enterprise found my son a job.  Correction:  my sons...

This experience illustrates that answers can lurk in the most unexpected places with the most inexperienced people.  An open mind and a willing spirit often provide the best opportunities.

Ryan and Nick Have Jobs

"Do you like working with kids?" came the unexpected question.

Ryan tried to suppress a smirk that overcame him. "Yes!"  He beamed.

By the end of the short conversation, which is very typical of my son with autism, Ryan had a job working with kids who would be getting pictures with the Easter Bunny.  It was a temporary, minimum wage job at the local mall.  A normal, first-time job for any teenager.

I was surprised.  And thrilled!

A couple of days later, at Nick's insistence, Nick was also hired.

A friend of a friend, who is a manager of this photo set-up, simply thought Ryan would be good with kids, so she asked me.  I knew Ryan loved kids, and I told her to ask Ryan.  I definitely wanted the question to come from her and not me.  MOM does enough to get Ryan involved in a lot of things--whether he likes it or not.  It'd be much better for her to initiate the process, and to not have me involved.

So Ryan and Nick have been on the job for several days now.  They struggle with communicating with the kids and customers, but they are quick learners.  Their boss informed me that she just has to tell them once, and they pick up whatever she is teaching them.

Now they wait for their first paycheck with great anticipation!!