God, Family, Work

Via my distant cousin/relative Nick Ball:

Our family is a classic one of hard working immigrants, who got the "American Dream" by putting God, family, work in that order. Then working everyday to make it happen.........no one gave our family anything. Everything they got and passed to us, was not luck but hard work.

I wish every history and social studies book in America had that statement engraved in the front pages.  Life has no guarantees.  No handouts either.  Government entitlements can be given.  Or taken away.

I tell my sons with autism quite often that they can't count on federal or state funded programs to be available forever.  Budget cuts, bad economies, political polls, etc can determine what becomes important and then switch within seconds.  My sons must be able to survive ultimately by their own devices.

So while it's hard to see them struggle through life's hardships, it is a necessary lesson.  Again, my cousin states the lesson well:  

Everyone wants to help their kids. I see no problem in this, but making it easy for them just makes them dependent on Mom & Dad or the government instead of themselves. No one likes to see their kids struggle. But it is in the struggle that the true character of what they learn from home comes into play and benefits them in the long run...........Doing too much for your kids handicaps them in life and since things come easy if given, the incentive to work hard is destroyed......why work? ...there is always Mom and Dad or Uncle Sam!

This applies to all kids, so it's that much harder for our kids with autism to face life, or as my son Nick (not to be confused with cousin Nick) puts it, he has to face the real world.

Thus, the priorities are set:  God, family, work.

Good Lord, Really??

Really?  I look at the sky as I sigh.  This time I say it aloud, "Really?"

Yes, I'm asking the Good Lord if this is what he wants me to face.  Like I can really do this.  I am not trained in this.  I don't know what I am doing.  No map.  No guide.  No manual.

"This" in the last paragraph could be anything.  It could be autism, government agencies, doctors, etc.  So many aspects of autism and teenagers emerge, and I have no idea where to even begin.

I don't like guessing.  I'd rather know what needs to be done and just do it. I like to see end results.  I also don't mind if someone else sees the finished product and gives me a "thumbs up".  I will listen to the "thumbs down", but I prefer the former option.

With autism, there is no finish line.  Tis always a work in progress.  And these are boys, actually, young men now.  Not some project or task.  There are no days off.  Always going.  Always something.

I've told some friends that I really think God has mixed me up with someone who can handle this life I lead.  I'm just waiting for this person to show up.  Anyways, my friends and I laugh.  I think we all can feel that way.  Some aspects of life are simply bigger than we are, and we don't have all the answers.

We just keep pluggin' along.  And I ask the Good Lord for guidance.

photo credit:  Phillip F Chavez, PhD  http://masculinespirituality.com/site/