The Value of Moms Night Out

The smiles of  moms

Last Thursday, my husband brought home a bottle of champagne to celebrate. I was surprised. My facial expression must have revealed my question of what was the mysterious event we were celebrating.  Mike answered, "It's Thursday, so we celebrate Thursday."

I smiled.  Why not?

Until I remembered that Moms Night Out (MNO) was that night.  I hesitated to bring it up to Mike, but I had emailed my RSVP almost a week prior. I had commented to Mike that one of the moms, who had moved out of town, was going to be at MNO. So I reminded Mike that it was MNO.  If he wanted, I'd call and back out.  He replied, "Absolutely not, especially since your friend from out of town will be there.  The bottle will wait til you get home."

So I went, and I am glad I did.  We had a wonderful turnout of about 17 mothers.  We represented many stages of motherhood.  The ages of our children varied; some had young children while others had teenagers, or a mix of both.  Some were pregnant, and one mom brought her five month old baby.

I knew about half of the moms, so I was introduced to the new faces.  Connections were quickly made. We spoke about many subjects.  Some topics were light and whimsical, and others pertinent and compelling. We shared experiences, insights, and prayer.  Multiple conversations occurred simultaneously, making the time slip by unnoticed.

During this time I was able to catch up with a mom whose son tutored my son with autism.  She told me that her son wrote about his tutoring experience with my son for an English class.  I never would have guessed that my son would be included in such an assignment! Anyways, connections like this are made via MNO, and they are important--to build trust and friendships.  These are vital, not just for moms, but for the offspring.  Having a son with autism, I am careful who I bring into his life.  These boys met through the boys club via the home schooling group.  What a great update I received!!

I arrived home, and the bottle of champagne was opened.  My husband greeted me with a glass and a smile.  I summarized the evening quickly, and then the time was ours to celebrate.  I thanked Mike for waiting for me.  He responded that he knew how much I gain from MNO--how important those friendships are to me.  He recognized how much I needed to get out of the house and connect with like-minded women.

I am thankful I have such an understanding husband who appreciates the value of MNO.

Photo credit:  Clare Willis

God, Family, Work

Via my distant cousin/relative Nick Ball:

Our family is a classic one of hard working immigrants, who got the "American Dream" by putting God, family, work in that order. Then working everyday to make it happen.........no one gave our family anything. Everything they got and passed to us, was not luck but hard work.

I wish every history and social studies book in America had that statement engraved in the front pages.  Life has no guarantees.  No handouts either.  Government entitlements can be given.  Or taken away.

I tell my sons with autism quite often that they can't count on federal or state funded programs to be available forever.  Budget cuts, bad economies, political polls, etc can determine what becomes important and then switch within seconds.  My sons must be able to survive ultimately by their own devices.

So while it's hard to see them struggle through life's hardships, it is a necessary lesson.  Again, my cousin states the lesson well:  

Everyone wants to help their kids. I see no problem in this, but making it easy for them just makes them dependent on Mom & Dad or the government instead of themselves. No one likes to see their kids struggle. But it is in the struggle that the true character of what they learn from home comes into play and benefits them in the long run...........Doing too much for your kids handicaps them in life and since things come easy if given, the incentive to work hard is destroyed......why work? ...there is always Mom and Dad or Uncle Sam!

This applies to all kids, so it's that much harder for our kids with autism to face life, or as my son Nick (not to be confused with cousin Nick) puts it, he has to face the real world.

Thus, the priorities are set:  God, family, work.

The Family: Why I Do What I Do!

I can't believe it's almost been a month since I've written. It took so long to really recover from working, enduring finals week, cleaning a bachelor pad (see last entry), and sleeping. I am functioning on normal mode, if there really is such a thing. Just wanted to show why I do what I do. Just look at my boys! That's all that needs to be said.

How My Family Simplified Christmas Gifts

Five years ago I searched through every closet, corner, and crevice, looking for items I could give away to make room for the incoming treasures that Christmas might bring. After three months of purging, my home was that--a home. It was not full of antiquated toys, books, and clothes. We had space to live and breath! Suddenly, dusting was easy. WOW.

The thought of new items occupying this new space dampened my spirit. I did not want to have to repeat this headache of purging and sorting, but how could I not allow my children the fun of receiving gifts from their loving grandparents and relatives? My children would not understand, particularly my sons with autism. Tradition dictated that Christmas celebrations included Mass and presents!

At the same time that I faced this problem, I really wanted my whole family to go on a vacation. Time and money were always in short supply. After weeks of pondering these issues, I asked my husband what he thought of this solution: instead of receiving toys, why don't we ask the relatives who were inclined to give our sons gifts, that they give money towards a trip, like Disneyland. He liked the idea.

We approached the grandparents, and they were thrilled with the idea. No more guessing of what toys or games to purchase. No more questions of what size, color, or brand of clothing might the grandkids like. No more crowds at the malls. No more fighting for parking spaces. No more shipping charges and post office lines. Indeed, we were on to something.

On Christmas morning, there were small packages for everyone to open. Inside the boxes were tickets to Disneyland. The boys were absolutely astounded. We also received a dvd so the kids could actually see what Disneyland was like. They had no problem understanding that this was a huge vacation.

The following week we experienced great fun and apprehension, but I will cover that in a different post. The ultimate conclusion was a simplified Christmas, for both the givers and receivers, and a wonderful family vacation that we have since repeated five times annually.