Courage To Try

My sons are my heroes.  Case study: Nick.

Nick has been invited to go ice skating tonight.  He accepted the invitation. Then he turned to me and asked, "What do I do?"

Nick has never been skating.  No ice skating, roller skating, or roller blading.  For most of his youth, we have focused on his general coordination and balance as well as sensory and tactile issues.  Nick was in first grade before he could tolerate shoes.  He was in fifth or sixth grade before he could wear long sleeve shirts or long pants without prior conditioning.  Nick had adaptive PE for most of grade school.  Physical and occupational therapies were weekly occurrences until high school.  Activities like skating were beyond what we ever thought Nick could do!

Today, Nick's big brother, Mike, has lent Nick roller blades.  I have spent the time finding how-to ice skate videos online and then implementing the concepts with roller blades.  No, they are not the same, but the idea of balance is similar.  For a kid who has not done any skating, this type of motion is unfathomable.  However, Nick will not be deterred.

We started on carpet.  Then we moved out to the patio.  I led him.  He tried alone.  He fell.  A few times.  Two hours later, he's moving on his own.  Not graceful, but independent.  He has taken one break, only because his little brother wanted to try.

Nick has put the skates back on and has been alone for about 30 minutes, just skating back and forth on the patio.  Well, more of pushing and pulling himself, but he's moving a bit better.  All within a few hours.

I can't believe he is so determined to learn so quickly, and go with peers to do something new.  He truly is courageous.  So many people fear failure and embarrassment.  Nick's desire to go out with friends and potentially have fun outweighs his concern of any negative outcome. That's courage!

Amazed and Thankful

Both Ryan and Nick went to the Homecoming Dance, and they both had fun. I am amazed that they wanted to go. I am thankful that they could go together with friends. They are still quite shy and quiet in most circumstances, yet they are courageous enough to keep trying. I wonder how many times they felt like quitting. I have often thought of the kids who walk away because they don't understand my boys. Then I think of my boys and how they felt when left alone.

I can't get into their brains. I have asked how they think or what they think. Quite often, they can't express their thoughts.

I remember when Ryan was four years old, and he couldn't talk. He couldn't say, "I love you." He didn't want to be hugged or touched. The walls in my house had dents from him leaning back to avoid hugs. At that time I had no idea he had sensory issues.

When Nick was two, he could say, "I love you," but it was one word at a time with long pauses between the words. "I"... "love"... "you". He had not progressed at all when he turned three.

Now I see them interacting with peers. Many classmates are patient with Nick and Ryan; many are not. I still can't help but be amazed and encouraged by my own kids--teens with autism--not giving up.

I am very thankful for my heroes.

Ryan and a Girl Part II

"Grandma, guess which grandson asked a girl out?" I asked my mom over the phone. I could hear her think a moment. She replied, "Cody." I answered, "Nope."

Pause. "Zach?" She tried again. I answered, "Nope."

Silence. S i l e n c e.

"Ryan?????" Her tone slid up slowly as she really questioned her own answer. "Yep," I said. "Ryan!"

My mom couldn't believe her ears. "Really??" Obvious disbelief. I relayed the entire story to her. "Wow!" was all she could say. "Wow!"

Now to get to Kim's answer. On Tuesday morning, she told Ryan that she'd have to think about it. When Ryan told me that Tuesday evening, I simply said that was fine. Wednesday evening Ryan called her to ask again. She still had to think about it. I again responded, "That's o. k." Finally, on Friday morning Kim said that she could not go. Ryan called me to let me know. What else could I say, but "I'm still glad you tried."

It really frustrated me that Kim could not give Ryan an answer, be it yes or no. However, I did not know her circumstances, so I could not get angry. I only knew that my teenage son with autism could say the words AND get the courage to ask her--simultaneously.

Ryan was my son who did not talk until he was five. I remember doctors telling me, when he was diagnosed with autism, to accept it, deal with it, but there was/is no cure for autism. Without saying it, this was their message: No hope. I would love to have them see Ryan now and dare to tell me those same words. There is always hope!

Autism and Hope: Progress and Recovery

Last Friday night Ryan went to a new social setting, which alone was an amazing feat. The incredible part was Nick encouraging his older brother to "be brave; don't be a coward; you can do it". Nick commented to me as we were walking away from Matt, that maybe he should stay and help Ryan. Nick is the boy who expressed suicidal thoughts two years ago. Nick's confidence and tone were foreign to me. Nick is no longer the little boy who needs my protection. Eight years ago doctors said "autism" and "institutions" and "nothing you can do"... Yes, I'm stubborn. I wasn't going to give up on my boys, but I never dreamed... prayers being answered... Nick's autism was more severe than Ryan's... their courage... their potential...

Of course, there were stressful years before the boys' diagnosis of autism. All the years were anxious, stressful, laborious. There were no guarantees that any therapy or drug would help. After eight years since the diagnosis, definitive progress for both boys is evident. YEA! They still have a hard journey ahead...

Last Friday night was so bittersweet, but I'm loving it!

Photo credit:BLW Photography