Autistic Children and Socialization = Mental Marathon

Socializing for autistic children is a mental marathon. Think about running a marathon. You would train for several months, doing different types of training, like weight training and endurance training. After each session, you're tired, or you should be if you have put forth 100% effort.

The same can be said for autistic kids and social situations. It demands so much effort and concentration that they can be mentally and physically tired. Think about what happens in a typical conversation between two people, such as eye contact, tone, gestures, and inflections. Then include the actual words being stated. Now think about what those two people have to tune out, such as outside noise and activities, distracting smells, and flickering or bright lights.

Neuro-typical or NT people do all this without thinking out it. Autistic children do not, and they have to be taught. It's one step at a time. Add to the above scenario the fact that autistic children then have to process what was actually said, think of the response, and then articulate that response. If your child is like mine, he thinks in pictures. So now we're talking about all of those steps above AND having to translate the words into pictures that he can understand. He then has to think of a response in pictures and translate those pictures into words.

Those brain cells are firing like crazy. Mental marathon.

Two years ago my Nick literally complained about his heart pumping so fast. He had talked to a peer for 10 minutes. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally. There is so much concentration and anxiety is social encounters, that it is bound to take a toll of some sort on these kids.

Onto Jacob and Meredith's question about Andrew and Ryan (their sons Andrew and Ryan), which pertained to Andrew only socializing during school and not having play dates, and his brother Ryan has play dates frequently. Should Mom push to arrange social activities? (To see the actual question, go see the first comment under Dec. 17, 2009 blog entry.) First, I would recommend to see your two sons as totally different individuals with different talents and skills. Their strengths and weaknesses will differ, no matter if they both have autism or not. Second, I would push Andrew's comfort zone, but slowly and in "baby steps". Only you will be able to gage what that exactly means as you (parents) alone are the experts on your child. Maybe schedule an outing on a Saturday for 15- 30 minutes at a park. Physical activity takes a lot of stress of a social situation because the kids can engage in the same activity, maybe even side-by-side, without having to feel forced to talk.

When it came to my children, I asked the teachers to recommend students who might be a good "guide" for my kids. The teacher usually volunteered to talk with the parents about my kids and trying to set a play date. I then arranged to meet in a neutral place for a very short time. I found a neutral place was important so my kids couldn't hide. The place also didn't have known "triggers" such as a dog, cat, or smoke.
Most importantly, no matter how a social encounter ends, always praise your child for trying.

photo credit:bradleypjohnson