Autism: Surviving and Thriving

Fourteen years ago my youngest 3 boys were diagnosed with autism within a 9 month span. Devastation and grieving followed. Doctors gave me little or no hope, but they didn't know me very well. I refused to believe that my boys were doomed.

My boys are now young men, adults with autism. They are thriving, but every day presents its turmoil and challenges.

My family: husband Mike, sons Ryan 23 yr, Nicholas 21 yr, and Cameron 18 yr. (Ryan and Nick have autism; Cam has recovered from autism.) Our oldest sons, Michael 34 yr and Stuart 25 yr, moved out of the house. Ryan has also moved out, and is still working towards complete independence.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

How To Balance Fun and Work...


...especially with boys at home for Christmas vacation.

I found that the boys just wanted to play all day. Nothing wrong with that except I got to do all the clean up. That lasted a day. I was not a slave, and they could not afford me as a maid!

I called the four boys into the kitchen for a chat. (They called it a lecture.) I asked how would they feel if one of them didn't get a chance to play. They agreed that would not be good. I asked how they would feel if one of them had to cook, dust, etc. all day. They agreed that would be not be fair.

I then pointed out that was exactly the situation, just the one not playing was MOM. I made sure that they had "down" time. They needed to reciprocate; Mom needed down time too. They needed to decide how that was going to happen.

Through an amazing conversation, an idea evolved. One suggested that I just get up and go, meaning leave to relax. Tempting. Another recommended I join in their fun. Intriguing. A third suggestion was to check with Mom to see if she needed help before they had fun. Thoughtful.

The result of the discussion is that they decided to establish a new rule: Mom must be having fun before they can have fun. I could not argue with that.

Over the course of the next few days, I was bombarded with, "MOM, ARE YOU HAVING FUN?" They yelled it from the stairs. They knocked on my bedroom door. They sought me out like never before.

They were willing to help me do chores, everything from laundry to cooking the next meal. The workload was shared. It was an awesome turnaround.

We now all have fun doing the work and playing. Tonight is Christmas Eve, and everything that needed to be prepared is done. Everyone helped, and we really had fun doing it together.

There has never been a better Christmas gift, except for the Christmas Babe Himself.

1 comment:

  1. Your boys are very insightful -- but of course they have great parents who helped them grow into thoughtful young men. Merry Christmas!!

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