Nick and Cam On Their Own

Nicholas and Cameron are on their own this weekend.  This is the first time that they will be away from us parents for four days. They are travelling with their youth group, heading towards the coast.

They are excited about their adventure.  Being on their own--freedom.  Right?  With that freedom comes responsibility.  Will they eat the gluten free foods?  Will they follow directions?  I hope they'll look out for each other.

I am both excited and anxious.  Problems could arise, and I won't be there to help.  They have to figure things out.  Of course, if an emergency arises, they can call.  I prepared them about situations that could happen and how to handle them, but how do we really know what can happen and how they'll react?

I worry, but we all need to know how they do on their own.  The only way to know is to let them go.

Ryan Is Driving On His Own!!

Ryan celebrating with Grandma

Five days ago Ryan took the drivers test and passed.  He has a drivers license. Unfortunately, I was not with him, but Ryan texted me immediately.  "I got it: my drivers license," was his exact statement.

I called him, and I asked how it felt, "Good."   I could hear him smiling.  Rare.  Ryan was genuinely happy.  I was happy too.  It's been a long haul for him to arrive at this point.

Eighteen months ago, Ryan didn't want to drive. He didn't want the responsibility.  Ryan was quite content to let us drive him around.  Not a lot of ambition.  That doesn't sit well, especially when Ryan wants to be independent.  I never understood that concept:  he wants to be independent, but he doesn't want the responsibility.

Mike and I simply stated that if Ryan wanted to be independent, he needed to pursue skills that will make him independent.  Mastering some sort of transportation was a must--be it public or private transportation didn't matter.  He needed to be able to get to places on his own, especially if he wanted a job.

So Ryan had taken the drivers ed course at high school.  He "drove" the simulators, but just wasn't ready.  We didn't push for a few years. However, when he graduated from high school, we pushed a little bit.  Thanks to my parents, Ryan earned his drivers permit last summer.  And ding--Ryan suddenly liked driving.

Now he can drive without me.  Yea.  He has a smile on his face. Constantly.  He is very happy with this new-found independence.  He even agreed that the responsibility is worth it!

Autism and Adulthood

Ryan turned 18 a few weeks ago.  With that milestone, he transitions from childhood to adulthood.  When we're children, we can't wait for that big day!!!  However, as a parent, I could wait a bit longer.

Ryan is the third child of our five boys.  Since Mike and I have had two older boys turn 18, this transition was nothing knew.  Nonetheless, a son with autism turning 18 is vastly different.  Ryan has all the rights and responsibilities of an adult, and so many questions loom?  Does he have the maturity and capability of understanding choices he makes?  Will he take the initiative to solve problems he faces?  Can he make inquiries if necessary?  Can he handle his money efficiently?  How good are his life skills?  Some of these questions can be asked of neuro-typical (NT) teens.  The answers become even more vital for adults with special needs.

The first sign that concerned me was at a family gathering.  An uncle asked Ryan if he were ready to be an adult?  Ryan answered yes.  The conversation continued in typical question and answer style, ie relatives asking questions, and Ryan answering either yes or no.  UNTIL this question was posed:  "Do you want to do something different, take on more responsibility?"  Ryan answered with a sentence, "I want the least amount of  responsibility possible."

Really?  Reality check.

Since then I have been researching what are possibilities for Ryan in all aspects of life:  living arrangements, schooling, working, finance, etc.  Not that I haven't been doing that type of research already, but it became more intense and specified. What can an adult with autism potentially do?  Not just survive, but thrive?  There are so many cases of abuse and bullying adults with autism in group homes and in the work force.  It can be scary, but like everything else, we approach it as an adventure.

So onto another journey of life!