Ryan Is Driving On His Own!!

Ryan celebrating with Grandma

Five days ago Ryan took the drivers test and passed.  He has a drivers license. Unfortunately, I was not with him, but Ryan texted me immediately.  "I got it: my drivers license," was his exact statement.

I called him, and I asked how it felt, "Good."   I could hear him smiling.  Rare.  Ryan was genuinely happy.  I was happy too.  It's been a long haul for him to arrive at this point.

Eighteen months ago, Ryan didn't want to drive. He didn't want the responsibility.  Ryan was quite content to let us drive him around.  Not a lot of ambition.  That doesn't sit well, especially when Ryan wants to be independent.  I never understood that concept:  he wants to be independent, but he doesn't want the responsibility.

Mike and I simply stated that if Ryan wanted to be independent, he needed to pursue skills that will make him independent.  Mastering some sort of transportation was a must--be it public or private transportation didn't matter.  He needed to be able to get to places on his own, especially if he wanted a job.

So Ryan had taken the drivers ed course at high school.  He "drove" the simulators, but just wasn't ready.  We didn't push for a few years. However, when he graduated from high school, we pushed a little bit.  Thanks to my parents, Ryan earned his drivers permit last summer.  And ding--Ryan suddenly liked driving.

Now he can drive without me.  Yea.  He has a smile on his face. Constantly.  He is very happy with this new-found independence.  He even agreed that the responsibility is worth it!

Tumor Is Benign--Again--Yea!

Surgery went well--for the second time.  Tumor was benign.  Deja vu, but this was no illusion.  I will have two scars to prove that fact; they almost make a lightning bolt.  The question now is how to move forward.

All my boys are aware of my predicament--trying to reduce stress, and occasionally they try to make life easier, lighter, or happier in some way.  For example, we grind our own grain to make our own sourdough bread.  I found this smile in the flour, courtesy of Ryan.

I cherish these silly moments!   

Ryan WON!!

Ryan won his first tennis match yesterday.  It was also the first win for his team for the season.  YEA.

I am bummed that I missed it.  With the last minute schedule change, I couldn't watch any of the match.  However, Gramma made it.  She told me via text about the win.  I was very excited.

Then came some strange news from Gramma.

It wasn't Ryan who told her about the victory.  It was Nick.  Nick was ecstatic, and was sharing the news with great enthusiasm.  Ryan was quiet.

When we all arrived at home from our various activities, I asked Ryan about the win.  He acknowledged that he won.  That was it.  Nick gave a few details, again with enthusiasm.

I told Ryan that we don't need to celebrate.  He seemed ok with that.  I thought that would get a big reaction, like a "Why not?"  Nick did ask, though.

Then I explained.  If Ryan is not happy about his win, then neither are we.  Ryan didn't like that.  He tried to suppress a smile.  I immediately told him to smile.  "DO smile.  It is worth celebrating. This is BIG."  Again, he tried to suppress a smile.

I ended up showing him a picture of him when he was quite young.  He had a happy face, a big smile.  He was genuinely happy.  I said, "That is you smiling.  That is you happy. It's ok to show it."

He dared a small smile.

I told myself--baby steps.  He needs baby steps.  I don't understand why he doesn't want to smile or talk about his win.  But he does need to know it's ok to smile.