Surgery Is Scheduled And Now--

My upcoming surgery is scheduled for early December.  Just in time for the holidays!!  "Tis the most wonderful time of the year," I think--sarcastically.  I could run a ton of songs in a very satirical story, aka sarcastic drone, but I need to be positive.

I have much to do before December.  Thanksgiving is around the corner, but I have already finished the required necessities for that holiday.  December is a different ball game.  I have to make arrangements for regular events as well as items pertaining to the Christmas season.

To start the preparations, Ryan and I went Christmas shopping today.  We went to a bookstore, as requested by Ryan.  Then we walked the local mall. We were searching for an item that we were told was only in a store that I abhor. 

Ryan and I walked in.  Ryan was not comfortable.  We hurried through the store, unable to find the item.  Ryan suggested that we'd get out faster if we asked someone.  Just at that moment, the sales clerk greeted us with a smile.  She was human.  She inquired, "Are you looking for something special?"  Something special in this store was an understatement.

"Yes," I replied.  "I am looking for..."  (Can't spill the beans here.)

Her smile brightened.  "We not only have that, but we have this!"*

*"That" and "this" have been substituted to protect the unknown.

So I bought the "this" and "that".  Since the store had a "buy one get one half off" sale, I asked Ryan if he wanted a shirt with a logo he liked.

"No," he blurted out.

I looked at him with a question.  He gazed back at me, saying, "I have enough things in my room.  I don't need anything."  It was a simple, straightforward answer.  Very typical of teenager with autism.

As we left the store, he smiled.   He was right.  We found the item faster by asking.  I knew why he was smiling--because Mom was the one who didn't want to talk this time.

Funny how we all have our comfort zones.  Funny how life pushes us out of those zones, and we become better for it.  Ryan taught Mom the lesson today.

Going Under The Knife Again

No one likes finding a lump where it doesn't belong.  No one likes hearing the word "tumor" from a doctor.  No one likes a encore performance of a tumor either.  I am no exception.

Within less than three months of having the tumor removed, I noticed the lump had returned.  Like I didn't have enough fun the first go round.  I like roller coasters--real roller coasters.  I'm not much of a fan of emotional roller coasters.  I have enough of those with being a parent of teenage boys with autism.

After having to fight to get my medical records from the doc who performed the first surgery, the idea of searching for a new doc was exhausting.  I procrastinated.  Not a good idea when dealing with a tumor.  However, I just couldn't pursue it.  I was emotionally dead to it.  There was so much already going on with my sons' government agencies battling issues out, that summoning the required positive frame of mind was impossible.

Trying to explain this to people was futile.  They heard "tumor", and they expected me to move on it quickly.  I got lots of advice, to look for this, that, and the other.  "Good to know," I chimed out with a smile.  Nothing like extra pressure.

About the only thing I could do was ask people for referrals of a good surgeon.  Over a few weeks, I gathered several names.  I researched the backgrounds of the docs.  I narrowed the list down to three.  Then the list sat on my desk.

Last week, my mother visited me.  We discussed the doctors, and she wanted to know if I had called.  Unfortunately, I shook my head.  My mom was not impressed.  I tried to explain why, but that wasn't going anywhere.  My mom was a nurse for a gazillion years, and needed medical attention is not to be postponed when she is around.

She dialed the doctor whom she liked, and set the ground work in motion.  Then she handed the phone to me.  I had an appointment within 48 hours.  I met the doctor.  Within a few minutes of meeting him, he called in a second doc.  They spoke and debated my case.  I never had a second opinion so fast.  Before I knew it, I was scheduled for another surgery and understood the procedures and possible scenarios.

My procrastination seemed stupid at this point. I am at peace with the forthcoming procedure.  Still, I'd rather not undergo another surgery.  Risks persist, no matter how good the doc and technology get.

Of course, I also think about how much I have to do to keep up with my sons.  Their needs don't stop.  Even if I can't move.  Phone calls, records, therapies continue.  Urg.  I'm trading one roller coaster for another.  Now I simply wait until I'm healed to ride a real roller coaster.  Yippee!!

Photo credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/dhedwards/

Autism and Religious Events

Grandpa as sponsor, Nick, Bishop Kicanas

Today Nicholas was confirmed.  In the Catholic faith, Nick is now a full member of the church.  Of course, that is oversimplified.  The point is that Nick understands some wonderful abstract thoughts.  He understands the important elements in life are not material.  Not black and white.

Happiness. Joy.  Love.  Prayer.  He gets these realities.

Many people advised me not to waste my time teaching my boys with autism about religion.  There were too many abstract ideas, and kiddos with autism will never, never get it.  In fact, it will only cause frustration and confusion for everyone involved.

Well, that is not true.  I won't go into how involved my boys are in their faith.  Not yet.  I'm not even sure I can describe that, as that aspect is a very personal, subjective observation.

What I do want to promote is that teen boys with autism can and do have a relationship with God.  Out of all my boys, Nick has demonstrated the most perseverance in his spiritual life.  Do know that Nick is not a  "yes man".  Nick has no problem expressing NO.  Nick can express if he doesn't want to participate in something.

So today is a day to celebrate.  This is a huge milestone in Nick's life.  It is a "headline" in the history of Nick's world, as the bishop indicated in his homily.  Today's event is a culmination of Nick's dedication and perseverence to his spiritual life.

This shows that the "experts" don't know it all.  This is a great example of such potential in these teens with autism.

Moral of the story:  Never underestimate the potential of the human spirit!

O Happy Day!

Ryan about to serve

In the midst of trying to resolve issues, there is a bright light.  AND did we celebrate.

Ryan and Nick played in their first tennis match on their high school tennis team.  Ryan tried cross country, but the endurance was too much.  I bet the desert heat didn't help during the summer either.  Nick did track and field in junior high, but his heart belonged to an event that he didn't get to do.

Mike and I have introduced various sports in the past.  Some were too expensive to continue.  Others just didn't capture the boys' interest.  So why tennis?

Nick returning a serve

My parents have played tennis for as long as I can remember.  I tried playing, but I spent more time running after the balls that went over the fence than playing on any court.  The boys had a few lessons from their grandparents when the boys were very little.  What made it stick this time?  I don't know.  I don't underestimate that the girls' team might have some influence.  The girls and boys' tennis teams practice at the same time.  Hmmm.

What I do know is this is a HUGE milestone for the boys.  Many years ago, the boys had several issues to overcome.  Nick couldn't stand to wear socks, let alone shoes.  As they developed autism, their gait became abnormal.  Walking and running were dangerous.  They lost their balance easily.  Ryan ran with his eyes closed.  I was told this was a sensory issue.

Ryan serving, Nick at the net

I became a soccer mom of therapy.  Days on end of traveling from school to therapies--physical and occupational therapies (among other therapies).  I made sure they had adaptive PE in school.  Years of therapy.  Miles of driving.  With no guarantee of improvement.  Just hope.

Today is hope fulfilled.

Coach W with Nick

Ryan and Nick played in a real sport at school. Their matches were even next to each other on the court. They played in the singles and doubles.  They were actually the doubles team.  The coach guided them at times.  Otherwise, they played.  On their own.

Those years of therapies have paid off.  My boys may have a hobby for life!  Priceless.

Tough Day and a Rose

Just about every day can be considered a tough day when you are a parent of teen boys with autism.  The criteria change daily of what is a tough day.

What may make a tough day today becomes easy to handle tomorrow.  What was easy yesterday becomes the challenge of today.

I know I can chose how to react, and sometimes my initial reaction is not so good.  Even Pollyanna got to the point of not wanting to be happy.

Taking a step back is so important to keep perspective and patience.  The proverbial line of taking time to smell the roses is true.  It's those small moments that can make memories.  Good or bad memories.

So this morning I got up early and stopped at a coffee shop.  I can breath! I can relax. It's short-lived, but it eases the turmoil  Funny how just a simple change of scene helps. 

I found my rose for today.

Posh Traveling Improvised

Ryan, Nick, and Cam with me

One of our summer endeavors has been to expose the boys to different ethnic restaurants because the boys still have sensory issues.  We'd love to travel to various countries, but money dictates creativity.   I set the boys on a hunt:  to find restaurants with different ethnic or cultural foods.  The computer blazed, and we found several different places.

We "travel" to a different country every time, which saves on airline costs. HA. Most of the restaurants are family owned.  We have tried to stay away from the chain restaurant, but how they enjoyed Benihana! This place was infused with entertainment.  The boys loved seeing the food sizzle in front of them.  The chef amazed them with tricks like flipping the bowls into his hat.  Quite a show.

The different country aspect is all a part of expanding their horizons with various tastes, textures, cultures. etc.  They are now not as sensitive to unfamiliar smells, sounds, tastes, etc., as they were at the beginning of summer. So this "therapy" is working!  Tis amazing how thinking outside the box has helped our boys.