I Want To Be Like My Big Brother

Ryan, Nick, Michael, Cameron

When the boys were in elementary school, teachers often had them write about whom they admired.  Without fail, the answer would be, "My big brother."

With four boys still in the house, many assume the younger boys mean Stuart.  While Stu is fun-loving, hardworking, and admirable, he is not always the big brother being referenced.  In our family, the big brother is the the tallest, ie 6'2".  Literally the BIG brother.  Michael.

Michael has been out of the house for a decade now.  He lives about a mile away.  Far enough to live his own life, but close enough to help.  Michael knows the challenges facing his little brothers, and many times he takes them to offer me reprieve.

My younger sons usually like going over the Mike's because they get to play video games, eat (gluten free) fast food, drink sodas, stay up late, and do nothing.  Then there's the flip side.  Mike keeps them busy.  He usually has a project or two going on.

This month they are making a bench out of an old bar.  The plans for the bench hang on the garage wall.  The wood and tools cover the floor.  The boys show me various aspects.  Each one voices what he likes (or doesn't like) about the project.  They like using the tools.  The loud noises--not so much.

Mike has a knack for solving problems, like getting the boys to work together on a project that is new to them.  They might complain at first, but ultimately, they have a good time completing the tasks at hand.  They then have a great sense of accomplishment.  Priceless!

Potential Job/Career Idea!!

Last year I found a group that meets monthly to help kids with autism transition into adulthood.  These meetings feature speakers or events.  Last night Ryan and I attended the meeting that debuted a family business looking to train and hire teens and young adults on the autism spectrum.

That is highly unusual.  Autism usually strikes fear is employers.  This business is SEEKING THEM OUT!

I was very hopeful, but also very suspicious.  My teens with autism want to be independent.  I want them independent.  With 90% of autistic adults unemployed, this could be such a blessing!  But who looks for autistic teens?  Well, we went to find out.

The speakers were from a family business--four generations in the business.  The fourth generation, the son, has Aspergers, which is a form of autism.  We heard the family history, and the success of the business.

These parents realized the success of their son was due to his symptoms of Aspergers--focusing for long periods of time, perfecting the details, wanting to work alone, etc.  I could see both of my sons fitting into this description easily.

I was quite impressed with the family's plan for their new business venture.  It covered everything from basic training to career opportunities.  My thoughts jumped:  job training; financial security; solid career; personal fulfillment--ideas that many parents worry about their kids with special needs.  This seemed to be an answer.

The only downside is that there is a cost.  Not that it's expensive.  But money is money.  Since this is a pilot program, there is no guarantee or track record of success.  And will my kids really like it?  Oh!  Moms can be so worrisome.

Well, Ryan and I are exploring the opportunities presented last night.  The timing may not be right, but this is at least an opportunity.  It's so important to have a path, a direction in life.  Even Ryan acknowledges that!  So, here's to some research and maybe a sale-able trade!

To My Sons' Grandparents--On Grandparents Day

Thank God for grandparents!! They spoil our kids.  They give forbidden treats behind our backs.  They let the kiddos stay up late.  Grandmas might even bake gluten free cookies for them.

For parents with kids with autism, grandparents can be more than the mellow, nice version of the people who raised us.  Grandparents can offer wisdom and reprieve to parents with shaken nerves and overtaxed brains. 

My Mom

The flip side is that grandparents can give suggestions (or criticize) and cause more stress, although their intentions may have been good.  Grandparents may only see their grandkids with autism occasionally and not understand the intricacies of daily life.  Visits can be bittersweet.  Taking time to chat can be a hardship, but constant routine is necessary in the life of autism.

My Dad

In my case, my parents are about 40 miles away--far enough to breath, close enough to help.  They know most of the tasks and goals of my sons with autism.  This last summer they took on the task of helping the boys passing their drivers permit test.  Goal accomplished.  With LOTS of patience.

Mike's Mom

My husband's parents live in another state.  Their visits are fewer.  They can see more distinct progression or regression; something that we might miss.  They always want to know what's going on, to help the boys.  Sometimes it's hard to describe everything concisely, but we try. 

Mike and his Dad

Both sets of grandparents help at family gatherings and events.  Loud noises and strange people always stress out the boys, so having those extra eyes and hands of grandparents can help ease anxiety--both of the boys and me.

I'm very grateful to both sets of grandparents.  Happy Grandparents Day!!

Another Chauffeur For Mom

Nick with Grandma

In late July Nicholas aced his driving permit test.  YEA.  He smiled and was very happy that he met his goal.  Nicholas didn't pass on the first attempt.  It took him a few tries.

The first two times he was devastated that he didn't pass.  He had studied for many hours, literally reading the book everywhere we went. I had to frequently tell him to leave the book in the car.

When Nicholas commits to something like this, he doesn't quit.  That can be quite scary.  Nicholas can work himself into an anxiety attack.  We have to watch him carefully.  We have seen Nick's face get red.  He has complained of chest pains and his heart racing.  We often have to stop Nick, so he will take a break.  He is a perfectionist.  Extreme focus.  I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks of the quote from the movie, Apollo 13, "Failure is not an option!"  Some day I can see him running a quality control center...

Anyways, three was the magic number.   He kept trying, and it paid off.  I love his smile!

I now have two teenagers learning how to drive.  My parents, my husband, and I have taken turns on the road with them.  It's quite an experience.  I don't need to worry about a cardio workout after some of these driving excursions.

My favorite part is that they have their permits.  We were never sure that they'd be able accomplish this, but they have.  Just goes to show we can never underestimate the potential of teens with autism.

My chauffeurs await!

Ryan Turns 19

Ryan's favorite ice cream

Today is Ryan's birthday.  He's been counting down the days for over two weeks.  I think he is more excited about turning 19 than he was 18.  Wonder why?

Could be many reasons!

I think there is less stress in Ryan's life.  He graduated last May, so he's not in school full time.  He starts his college classes tomorrow.  He's only taking a few classes, and he's chosen them.  Unlike high school, where there were standards and requirements, Ryan is taking college slowly.  As of now, Ryan is enrolled in 3 college classes, but he's taking one class at a time.

Ryan is in control of his time.  He continues to write his book.  He's writing all day, every day.  He doesn't have to deal with a lot of people, so less communication is required of him.

Ryan has less commitments, but he's trying new things.  At his pace.  Ryan's learning to drive.  He is exploring new communication technology.  He now has a computer, so this technology can open a new world of learning for him.

Ryan's also accomplished a lot this year.  Besides graduating, Ryan spoke at a regional autism conference, played on a competitive team sport, and passed his drivers permit test. Those are a few highlights.

Of course, Mom and Dad still push Ryan in adult responsibilities as Ryan yearns for complete independence.  Ryan has grown and matured a lot this past year.  He seems to be getting comfortable in his own skin.  We are very proud of him.

Ryan doesn't know what he's going to pursue, career-wise.  Lots to think about there for any 19 year old, let alone a teenager with autism.  However, today, we're celebrating.

Like all of us, Ryan is a work in progress!  Happy Birthday...

Mom's Homework: Communication and Paperwork

School started last Wednesday, Aug 7.  I am not a huge fan of school.  I get a lot of homework.  People laugh when I say that, but I really don't find humor in it.  I'm not going to classes, so why do I have homework?  Someone has to be my sons' advocate!  I am not even going to mention the forms that have to be filled out annually.

To start, I make sure every teacher knows that my sons have autism.  Two years ago, I didn't do this, and it took the case manager a month to get the IEP out to the teachers.  After a few weeks of school, I could see Ryan struggling in a class, and I wrote the teacher about his having autism and the accommodations in the IEP.  She had no clue that Ryan had autism, and she asked, "Won't he ask questions like everyone else?"  My response was (sigh), "No.  He has autism.  He doesn't like to talk, let alone ask questions."

I learned my lesson, that I was right, to take the initiative and communicate with the teachers.  The one year I didn't became a difficult year, well, more difficult than normal.

Back to this year.  Last Monday morning I was up and at the computer by 7:10am.  At 7:16am I sent my first email.  By 7:47am I had written 5 emails to teachers, explaining issues that Nick was already experiencing, mostly due to a schedule mishap.  Someone had left his third period blank.  Most classes by this time had been filled, so to find an appropriate class was next to impossible.  Once filled, Nick was told that he'd keep all his current teachers.  Relief.  A few seconds later, he was told that one teacher would be switched.

By that time Nick had already processed that the teachers would remain the same.  For him to process and switch back to the issue, which was just concluded, was missed.  That happened last week, so now I'm trying to see what we can do to get that one teacher back on Nick's schedule.

No communication was given to any teachers involved, except what I had sent out.  Some teachers responded back quickly.  By 10am I had sent and responded to about 15 emails.  That's not counting phone calls and voice mails.

The teachers were grateful for the communication.  They were very willing to work with Nick until the issue was resolved.  Thankfully, Nick decided to keep the classes he had.  He was finally able to tell me that it was the change itself.  Once he went through the new schedule a few days, he was fine.

I am thankful that the teachers were patient and understanding, but it took my time and effort to communicate with the teachers about Nick.  That is my homework!

So Literal!

Nick came home with Spanish homework.  He had several worksheets to complete.  He filled those out rather easily, but it was painstakingly time consuming.  To help him study, we picked just a section to review.  The easiest section was the days of the week.

At the top of the paper, I wrote the Spanish word for Monday, which is lunes.  I told Nick to write Monday five times.  I explained to Nick that he needs to learn how to write, say, and spell these Spanish words, including accents.  Nick has a great memory, especially when concepts are repeated.

I came back a few minutes later to find that Nick had written Monday five times under lunes.  I asked him, "Why?" Of course, I quickly answered, "Because that's what I said.  Isn't it?"  He shook his head yes.

How easily I forget.  I naturally thought he'd understand to write lunes five times under lunes.  However, that is NOT what I said.  He followed what I said.

This just underscores how precise I have to be, especially now with Nick studying another language.  Oh boy!