Pondering the Twelve Days of Christmas

It started out of 2 needs. I wanted to celebrate the real Christmas season, and I needed to not spend a lot of money.

In the early years of our marriage, I saw how the materialism was ruining Christmas. All the commercials were enticing my young boys. Toys, trucks, games, etc. "I want this, Mom." To show how bad the commercialism impacted my sons, one said, "If you won't buy it for me, I'll tell my grandpa, and he'll get it for me." He said this with absolute assurance that his grandfather would get it. The sad part is--he was right. His grandfather loved to spoil him. There is nothing wrong with grandparents expressing their love through gift-giving. However, when a grandchild EXPECTS it, that is NOT acceptable.

The commercialism also made the Christmas season the time BEFORE Christmas, not the 12 days following. I wanted to teach my boys what the "liturgical calendar" was vs the "retail calendar". Christmas does not END on December 25. The Christmas Season truly STARTS on Christmas Day.

The other reason that prompted our celebrating the 12 Days of Christmas was money; there was the lack of funds to purchase these tokens of love, those gifts. We were not starving, but finances were slim. Extras just didn't exist. So how could I provide a modest yet meaningful Christmas?

My husband and I decided that the 12 Days of Christmas were a perfect answer. We could space out the gifts, one per day. We could take advantage of the sales the days after Christmas when tons of items were half price. We could easily stretch what little money we had to purchase a bit more.

The effect was wonderful. On Christmas Day the boys opened gifts from relatives. They also opened that special gift that Santa brought. The next day they could open another present which appeared that morning under the tree. The next day also produced a new round of gifts. Needless to say, the boys enjoyed opening presents daily. Each present was thoroughly enjoyed. The boys were not overwhelmed by a ton of items all at once. That is incredibly important for kids with autism. There was no let-down that usually comes from the "that's it!" idea. Clean up was also much EASIER. Learning to put new things away was simpler as well. Each item found its home daily, rather than stashing lots of stuff in a closet.

So what did I give each day? Most of the gifts were simple: a pack of gum, a soda, movie tickets, board games or a deck of cards. Sometimes gifts were necessities, like socks or shoes. Some presents were very individualized, like music. Others were family oriented. As the boys have grown, we have moved toward the family experiences: dinner out, a day at the beach, bowling, miniature golf, and Disneyland.

The focus of Christmas is so easily lost in our trying to show our love via an item. Scrambling to the stores and malls has turned into a zoo. People get hurt or trampled on Black Friday. The birth of Our Lord is diminished through such chaos. We have tried to show our boys that gift giving should reflect the love of Our Father through the birth of His Son. Christ was born in a humble manger. He didn't require silk and satin. Likewise, our tokens of love don't have to be diamonds and emeralds. The gift of self is the best. It does not cost anything, yet it is priceless!

photo credit:brockvicky

A Late Tribute to Veterans

THE FINAL INSPECTION - AUTHOR UNKNOWN

The Soldier stood and faced God,
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass..

Step forward now, Soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?'
The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear..
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears

If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the Soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.

Step forward now, you Soldier,
You've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell.'

Author Unknown~

If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for the Military,
Please pass this on and pray for our men and women
Who have served and are currently serving our country
And pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom....

 WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!
God Bless Our Military

The above post is from:

www.fathercorapi.com

photo credit:US Army Africa's photostream (6,288)

Ryan and a Girl Part II

"Grandma, guess which grandson asked a girl out?" I asked my mom over the phone. I could hear her think a moment. She replied, "Cody." I answered, "Nope."

Pause. "Zach?" She tried again. I answered, "Nope."

Silence. S i l e n c e.

"Ryan?????" Her tone slid up slowly as she really questioned her own answer. "Yep," I said. "Ryan!"

My mom couldn't believe her ears. "Really??" Obvious disbelief. I relayed the entire story to her. "Wow!" was all she could say. "Wow!"

Now to get to Kim's answer. On Tuesday morning, she told Ryan that she'd have to think about it. When Ryan told me that Tuesday evening, I simply said that was fine. Wednesday evening Ryan called her to ask again. She still had to think about it. I again responded, "That's o. k." Finally, on Friday morning Kim said that she could not go. Ryan called me to let me know. What else could I say, but "I'm still glad you tried."

It really frustrated me that Kim could not give Ryan an answer, be it yes or no. However, I did not know her circumstances, so I could not get angry. I only knew that my teenage son with autism could say the words AND get the courage to ask her--simultaneously.

Ryan was my son who did not talk until he was five. I remember doctors telling me, when he was diagnosed with autism, to accept it, deal with it, but there was/is no cure for autism. Without saying it, this was their message: No hope. I would love to have them see Ryan now and dare to tell me those same words. There is always hope!

Ryan And A Girl?!

"I have to talk with you." That is never a good sign, is it? Well, today is it! My husband, Mike, tells me we have to talk as he waves me into an empty room. Tons of thoughts fly through my mind as to why. Mike informs me that Ryan, our 16 year old, has been talking with a girl. My eyes perk up. Yep. We bought a calculator for him at school that he has not picked up from a certain teacher. Why not? "Well, I'm visiting too much with Kim," was Ryan's response. He stated it as simply a matter of fact. So is this reason enough to pull me into a room? No. There's more. Much more. This morning Ryan asked Kim if she was going to the Homecoming Dance on Saturday. Her response was, "No." End of conversation between Ryan and Kim. This afternoon, Ryan told Mike what happened. Perplexed? Mike asked Ryan, "Do you want to go to the Homecoming Dance?" Ryan replied, "I want to go, but only if I have a date." Mike pursued, "Have you asked anyone?" Ryan simply stated, "No." Mike inquired, "Why not ask Kim?" Ryan answered, "She said that she is not going." Most people would clue in why Kim is not going to the dance, but a teen with autism only sees and understands what was said, not the reasoning behind the statement. Ryan had a perfect opportunity to ask Kim, but she said that she wasn't going. He didn't ask why, and she didn't give the reason. SIGH. Mike asked Ryan, "Why do you think Kim is not going?" Ryan shrugged his shoulders. Mike continued, "She's not going because no one has asked her." Pause. Pause. LIGHT BULB ON! Ryan picked up his phone and called. No one answered. Ryan left a message, "Kim, do you want to go to the Homecoming Dance on Saturday with me?" Now the wait begins! I think my husband and I are more excited about this than Ryan! Even if she says no, Ryan has asked a girl out. This is a success story! photo credit:Josep Ma. Rosell's photostream (346)

Sadness Is The Rose With Thorns

By Ryan

Sadness is the rose with thorns

That can hurt the soul badly.

Sadness can take control.

It's like a strong weapon--

That can cut the heart deeply.

Sadness never comes to an end.

Photo credit:Francis Mayne's photostream (844)

Surprises

"I don't know." That is usually the response to any question given Ryan. It is an easy out, and he does not have to talk much. Not many people will pursue asking more questions either.

I receive that answer every time I ask Ryan what he might want to pursue as a hobby or career. "I don't know" rings out. Yesterday, Ryan told me that he wants to try his hand at writing. That totally surprised me. Ryan has a difficult time expressing himself, whether in conversation or in an essay. Overcoming an obstacle is never easy.

Yet, when I think about it--when I started home schooling him three years, he started writing a book. At first, I did not think much of it. However, now he has shown me 40 pages of written words, telling a story. His own creation. Now he's back at school, and English is very difficult. He writes his book when he takes a break from homework.

I never imagined that my son with autism, whose language skills are not very strong, would want to pursue writing! Just goes to show that the potential of these autistic kids is endless.

photo credit:SpecialKRB's photostream (6,596)

Ryan's Success in High School

One of the big decisions we made over the summer was to register Ryan at the public high school. He was home schooled for junior high, and he attended a transition program last year. He is a sophomore, and he is attending the local public high school. Although he has autism, he is mainstreamed in most of his subjects. Only biology and study skills are "resource classes", that is, special education.

We decided to try school on a weekly basis. Each Friday we evaluate Ryan's progress in academics, socializing, etc. The first day Ryan loved school. The second day he wanted us to take him out. I reminded him that we had a commitment of one week. Of course, if something unacceptable happened, we'd take him out immediately. That was not the case. Ryan just felt the transition was tough that day.

It has been four weeks now. I did have to ask the teachers for copies of notes, which I cited as "special accommodations" in his IEP. (Briefly, an Individual Educational Program (IEP) is a goal oriented program for special needs students, made for that specific individual by a team comprised of teachers and parents.)

Here is a synopsis of what the teachers have to say about Matt:

FROM HIS ENGLISH TEACHER:

Ryan did much better on his spelling test on Friday, earning a 22/24, so his extra studying definitely paid off. As far as class goes, I've been trying to get him copies of all lists and definitions so that he can study the terms exactly as they will be used on the tests. Other than that, he appears to be doing well in class.

FROM HIS BIOLOGY TEACHER:

Ryan is a joy to have in class. He works very hard.

FROM HIS MATH TEACHER:

Ryan has been doing fairly well in class. He is shy and quiet, but always paying attention. I do have to make sure he is writing down what we are going over in class sometimes. I have an itinerant in the classroom with me now, so we will do our best to keep Matt on task, especially with the note taking.

Conclusion: In the academic realm, Ryan is doing beyond what any of us imagined! Some of these comments almost had me in tears. No teacher has ever said that Ryan is a "joy" to have in class, or that he works hard. I truly consider this a miracle. If people could see what Ryan was like ten years ago to whom he is today, they would not believe him to be the same person! The hard road is worth the journey!

I'm BACK

Ok, so it's been a really long time since I've written. I have to admit I was so burned out from working in the spring and home schooling in the summer that something just had to give. The blog lost.

NOW, I have so much to write. The boys are in school. I'm home schooling a weird schedule. My second oldest is in college; well, he's still here, but he's taking college courses online.

We've weathered minimal income, our oldest son's unemployment, summer, college registration, high school registration, junior high, and elementary. Good grief, I have a kid in all levels of school.

We have also experienced some social accomplishments. My boys with autism have been asked out by peers a few times. Nothing monumental, yet incredibly so. For those of you with kids with autism, you can understand that statement.

Overall, life is good. I totally love my family!

The Family: Why I Do What I Do!

I can't believe it's almost been a month since I've written. It took so long to really recover from working, enduring finals week, cleaning a bachelor pad (see last entry), and sleeping. I am functioning on normal mode, if there really is such a thing. Just wanted to show why I do what I do. Just look at my boys! That's all that needs to be said.

Coming Home: To A Bachelor Pad

Yes, the job is done. I can sleep, eat, and work at home. What an experience! Lots of good and bad. I'll probably write a couple of entries to cover it all, including how my boys with autism managed.

The scariest part of being home is realizing how a "presentable" home can change so drastically without a woman's touch. Mind you, I am not a clean freak. Far from it. I want my home to be comfortable, livable, lovable... With my oldest son frequenting our house more, there are six males here. The house will inevitably reflect that. However, I could describe my house as a bachelor pad. They were perfectly happy with it, too.

Games systems, guitar hero, cds, and dvds were left on any open space. Pans were not left in the sink, per my strict orders. However, they could be found left on the stove. They did put the food away, but then again, six males and left over food? Not to worry there.

The dining room table had the mail, which had been neatly organized into a "junk" pile and a "good" pile. Laundry was done, but that folding part eluded all.

Dusting had not been done. Crumbs in the carpet told telltale signs of eating in the living room. Hence, I am actually splurging to have my carpets downstairs professionally cleaned.

So, for now I will catch up on the home schooling front, and organize the chaos a bit at a time.

Welcome home, Mom!

Working Full Time: Honeymoon Is Over

I'm on my fifth week of full time employment. The paycheck is nice. Very nice. Everything else is on a downward slope. Laundry is building up. Dinner isn't getting prepared. The chores are sliding. Home schooling? Don't make me laugh.

AND I'm tired.

I am not pushing to have everything done. My boys, including the two with autism, are rather typical. If they can get away with not doing their work, they are not going to do it.

It's late, even as I write, so this entry will be short and sweet. The (good) news is that I was offered another temporary full time contract, and I have accepted it. I have not told the boys yet. Can't wait to see the "surprise" looks on their faces when they find out they have a few more weeks to go.

HAHAHAHAHA

It's All Relative!

So my niece was talking about the longevity of her relationship with her boyfriend. "We've been together for 19 months."

I thought I'd tease her. "Well, 19 months is a drop in the bucket compared to 20 years of marriage," I beamed.

Little did I know that my mother was behind me and laughed. "Well, 20 years is nothing compared to 50 years of marriage."

Moral of the story: there's always a bigger and better fish than you lurking... Be humble!

The Side Effect of Working--Losing Weight

Well, I never expected to lose weight while working. I sit all day, reading a computer screen. I don't call that exercise. Yet, the scale definitely says that five pounds have mysteriously disappeared. And no, I do NOT have to turn around for someone to find them "behind" me, as my dear father joked.

I can attribute this weight loss to a few factors.

1. I don't snack.

2. I don't cook.

3. I am too busy to eat.

4. My schedule is crazy.

So yes, I eat about 1200 calories between breakfast and lunch. I don't eat dinner, not necessarily by choice. It's just the nature of my schedule for now. As soon as I get home from work, I teach piano. After sitting all day, I don't want to sit anymore. Consequently, I walk three miles. Once back home, I start checking the home schooling assignments. The boys have usually cleaned the kitchen, so that last thing I want to do is create a mess that I have to clean. Also, by the time I'm ready to sleep, I too tired to notice that I didn't have dinner.

We'll see if this keeps up.

End of Week Two: PAYDAY

I have officially finished two weeks of working full time, and we have survived. At home the laundry needs folding, but at least the boys have CLEAN, wrinkled clothes. They work together to get dinner done. Sometimes Dad or Grandma does help with directions of a recipe or supervising any needed cooking. My kids are learning skills that they will need in life. Overall, I am impressed with my dudes! What a great payoff!

Now for me... I looked at my checking account, and POOF, direct deposit yielded a nice sum of money. So cool!

Now for the "not so fun" side: I am juggling the home schooling, piano teaching, grocery shopping and working.

The home schooling is not smooth, but some of my kids are maintaining their schedule quite well. Other kids need prompting. I am not going to name anyone yet... I do remind them that whatever they don't get done now will have to be done over the summer. They don't like that idea. Grumble, grumble, but it gets done.

Piano lessons are going smoothly, just scheduled a little later in the day.

Grocery shopping is still my domain, "realm" if I think like royalty. I have to work out a way so that my 18 year old can start taking this on. He can drive a car. Can he manage a cart? Grocery shopping just cuts into time that I really need to use for home schooling. Feel a change coming? Yep.

Working. I enjoy my coworkers. I've found that business casual in AZ is different than CA 15 yrs ago. Shorts? T-shirts? When I last worked in Corporate America, business casual meant a collared shirt, dress pants, etc. Other changes: People talk about personal issues more freely. And the language? I remember when people got fired for using "those" words.

Anyways, the work itself requires a lot of reading, and I enjoy it. I love getting out of the house and being with adults. Having conversations about many subjects with many people is so new. The best part of all, of course, is getting that first paycheck. Yippee.

The payoff so far as been so much more than cash for my kids and myself!

Photo credityomanimus

Mom and Sons: We Made It!

Yep, I made it through my first full time work week in years. The boys all took turns cooking dinner. Most of the time they had the dinner table set when I walked in the door. Laundry has been done; well, the clothes are cleaned and waiting on our couch to be folded. They did a great job overall. I love my kids!!! I'm very proud of them.

Home schooling has taken a beating somewhat. Only when my mom has been here has everything been done--on time. Tomorrow will be a "make-up day", but somehow I'll make it fun since it will be Saturday. Maybe it'll be a movie night if we get everything done. Will have to think about it.

I also did thoroughly enjoy going to happy hour with my oldest son. I have not seen him in a social setting in a very long time. I can't tell in words how much fun it is to talk and socialize with my adult son. We can agree, disagree, debate, laugh, etc. while enjoying a margarita and nachos. I LOVE MY KID, and I do love that he is out of the house.

You moms with little ones-- life with your precious babies does go fast, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy them when they move out too! No one ever told me that.

SIGH.

The Second Day: Yea and Oops

Today was another success--if you ignore that fact that I forgot to pick up my son from school. OOPS.

I have spent the last week writing down the schedule, where everyone has to be, and who is driving said person at what time. Yesterday and today, my husband, son, and mom have been perfect. Guess who forgot her responsibility? Me.

What is really ironic, is that I always pick up Ryan from school on Tuesdays and Thursdays! How could I forget? Actually, it was quite easy. Do you remember what it felt like to get out of school, waiting for that last bell to ring? Waiting, watching the second hand... Well, I relived that, and boy, when that last "bell" rang, I was out the door, running to the car--FREE. I couldn't wait to get home, see my boys, and get a few minutes of rest before teaching piano.

I was half way home before my brain registered that something was wrong. I suddenly remembered poor Ryan. So much for that quick trip home. I had to turn around and backtrack. Of course, as soon as I realized my mistake, Ryan was calling my cell phone, "Mom, where are you?" I told him I'd be right there, well, in ten minutes. It actually took me twelve minutes. Anyways, he was waiting patiently for me in the school office, reading a magazine. Not too bad, but still: Oops.

Now for the successes: I'm learning many different ways to think. However, there is a lot of reading, so by the end of the day, my eyes are dying. I'm really enjoying the job. Also, I came home, and Cam was making his dinner that he practiced last week. All was under control. So far, I'm impressed with the kiddos... Yea!

Day Two Down!

photo creditr3v || cls

Started Working Full Time Today

Well, today I started working full time, outside the home. I left Corporate America after our third son was born, so it has been years! I have to admit it was fun to be out of the house, using my brain in a new, challenging way. New people, new environment, new responsibilities... no problem! Right?

I have to admit that I had questions as to whether or not I would be successful. However, I just listened, took notes, and asked questions. I felt very confident by the end of the day--that I had done my best. I was no longer worried about success.

So how did everything go at home? First, I was happy that the house had not burned down. Second, I saw the boys getting dinner. The table was set. The boys argued about what time to eat. They argued about who was going to cook muffins, rice, or ?? They each wanted something different. Third, I had to teach piano lessons, so I only had time to encourage them to work together.

By the time I was done teaching, dinner was over. I saw the muffin tin in the sink, so I knew that muffins won. I have no idea who mixed and baked them. No one bragged to me. I only saw the boys were all reading or doing home work. Really!

Then Nick started a load of laundry. When the washing machine stopped, Stuart moved the clothes from the washer into the dryer. They were working together!!!

Maybe I should have started this working thing a while ago... there were no problems. Day One Down.

The Countdown Begins: Second Task: Dinners

We have slowly tackled dinners. Over the last several days, I have doubled the recipe for whatever meat dish we made for dinner. We ate half, and froze half. So now we have enough meat dishes for a week.

The only problem here is that I will be working (I hope) longer than one week. The next step to tackling dinner was asking all the boys to learn to cook one complete meal.

Cameron stepped up and volunteered to cook dinners on Tuesday. I asked him what he wanted to make. He looked in the fridge, and he came back with a menu: hot dogs, apples, carrots, and muffins. That's not bad for a nine year old. The menu was definitely kid-friendly. Now to see Cam in action.

I walked Cam through each step. We started with muffins. Since all the boys are gluten-free, we made muffins with rice flour, potato flour, and tapioca flour. Within 30 minutes, we had homemade muffins, complete with cinnamon. I made sure Cam knew how to check if the muffins were done with the toothpick. If it comes out of the muffin "clean", the muffins are done.

The hot dogs came next. He started to boil water while the muffins were in the oven. He opened the package of hot dogs, and the "juice" spilled. Well, he saved the hot dogs from flying out, but he did have to clean the "juice". While the hot dogs cooked, Cam cut the carrots and apples.

Dinner that night was colorful and easy. Cam was extremely proud of his meal!

photo credit:Alesist

The Countdown Begins: First Task: Laundry

Over the last ten days the boys and I have discussed what they will have to do while I am working full time. Some of them volunteered to do extra responsibilities. Others were volunteered by me.

Nick volunteered to do the laundry. He already knew how to separate the colors. Yea. He proceeded to stuff everything in the washing machine. I had to gently tell him to keep the clothes loose, so that the water and soap could actually clean.

Then I made the mistake of answering the phone while Nick put in the soap. Upon my return I saw soap covering all the clothes. I asked him how much he put in. He responded, "Enough." Trying not to flinch, I showed him how much he should have put in, two tablespoons. He shyly whispered that he put in about five more. Since we make our own laundry soap, I was not too sure what the result would be. I could imagine the movie scene, where the machine oozes bubbles throughout the house. Alas, no such thing happened.

Then the next morning I found those same clothes still in the washing machine. I asked Nick about putting them in the dryer. "But you didn't say I had to!" Is this a mom thing or what? When clothes are put in the washing machine, they have to go in to dryer...

So I reran the load, and then put them in the dryer. The clothes came out fine. Now they sit on the couch because no one has said, "Please fold your clothes."

It's become quite obvious that what I think is obvious is not to the boys. They need specific directions, but then again, I have been doing this for years. It is very easy to forget how I learned, yet I want them to master these tasks NOW. Nick responded quite well to suggestions and compliments. Gee, I prefer those too!

photo credit: antwerpenR

Self Preservation: Adapt

It's been two weeks since I have posted "life", but "life" is surely happening. In the last two weeks, our floors were FINALLY replaced. We can now put furniture in a normal arrangement. All of our belongings are finding their homes. It is so nice to have some order again. The boys are adjusting from the temporary norm to what was the norm.

I have been offered a full time job. It is seasonal, so I don't know how long it will last. In light of this wonderful economy, I have accepted this job. I know it'll make life very interesting, not that life isn't already. I hope that my boys will adjust, and they will become more independent. More than likely, they will be fine, and I will be the one worrying about how they are managing.

I will keep home schooling my boys as well a maintaining my self-employment. There is no doubt that this could get stressful, but I do look forward to the challenge. It is good to have some twists and turns in life; it's a chance for growth. That is only going to happen if there is a need to adapt or adjust. Just like my boys had to adapt with our house being torn up, I will have to adjust to some new demands.

In my next post, I will write about how I am preparing the boys and myself for this new gig.

Autism and Hope: Progress and Recovery

Last Friday night Ryan went to a new social setting, which alone was an amazing feat. The incredible part was Nick encouraging his older brother to "be brave; don't be a coward; you can do it". Nick commented to me as we were walking away from Matt, that maybe he should stay and help Ryan. Nick is the boy who expressed suicidal thoughts two years ago. Nick's confidence and tone were foreign to me. Nick is no longer the little boy who needs my protection. Eight years ago doctors said "autism" and "institutions" and "nothing you can do"... Yes, I'm stubborn. I wasn't going to give up on my boys, but I never dreamed... prayers being answered... Nick's autism was more severe than Ryan's... their courage... their potential...

Of course, there were stressful years before the boys' diagnosis of autism. All the years were anxious, stressful, laborious. There were no guarantees that any therapy or drug would help. After eight years since the diagnosis, definitive progress for both boys is evident. YEA! They still have a hard journey ahead...

Last Friday night was so bittersweet, but I'm loving it!

Photo credit:BLW Photography

What To Do When Life Takes Over?

Well, let me know. I have not written because the tidal wave of life keeps hitting. I might need two more days, then I should be back to writing on a regular schedule!

Sheryl

Is The MMR Shot Dangerous?

I can only give my experience with that shot. It changed my son, Cameron, from a normal, spirited, bouncy boy to a lethargic, sluggish, inert child. No motion. No speech. This is from my December 11, 2009 entry:

Cam, like all my other sons, was born healthy and normal. He met his milestones on time. At a year old he was a walking and talking machine.

At 13 months he received the MMR shot. Within two days Cam had lost all motion and speech. He was a blob of tissue. It took him three weeks to start moving. He had to relearn how to sit, crawl, and walk. It took him three months before he started babbling. He had to relearn how to talk.

That shot triggered autism in Cam. He had no tendency whatsovever towards autism before the shot.There is much more about Cam in my December 11 blog entry about his behavioral changes. Witnessing the changes in him within such a short time after the MMR shot convinces me that not all side effects of the MMR shot are known.

I have attached a link to an article that blasts a doctor who warned parents about the MMR shot. I have no knowledge if his studies and practices were done according to any sort of protocol. However, I know of my own experience with those who don't believe in any other source of medical authority, other than mainstream medicine.

Click Here to see article.

My two older autistic boys, Ryan and Nick, were on medication for two years, prescribed by medical doctors. They did not progress. My husband and I dared to take them off their medication, and we saw NO difference. We started to research alternative treatments to deal with the problems as those prescriptions only dealt with symptoms. We found that a gluten-free and casein-free diet worked for our boys. We implemented various vitamins, including B12 shots. They responded positively to these protocols.

Doctors, psychologists, and other professionals told us that we were wasting our time and money. Nonetheless, the teachers begged us NOT to change whatever we were doing because they could see differences in the boys, all positive. Ryan had stopped all tantrums. Nick was more social. Both had less anxiety and more willing to try new things.

I simply question the wisdom of the medical ideology that "one size fits all". I applaud parents who care enough about their children to make well-informed decisions regarding the health of their children. As I have said in another blog entry, I am not anti-vaccine. I do think prudence is necessary when administering them. I do not think exposing a 12 month baby to five vaccines is a good idea. Do one shot at a time to see what side effects may occur.

Parents are the experts of their children, and quite often, the medical profession forgets that. So is the MMR shot dangerous? I can only advise that parents research that specific shot and make a decision, rather than just accepting blindly what strangers recommend.

photo credit:Axel Rouvin

How To Enjoy Raindrops

Ryan could sit and stare at raindrops for hours. At the age of four, he was very content to sit and watch. He could not talk then, so I really had no idea what he was thinking.

I wonder if he remembers. I can only imagine that he was looking at the raindrops like most kids look at clouds. I remember looking at clouds and trying to imagine what those shapes could be... a hand, an elephant, a tree.

Maybe Ryan was playing the connect the dots in his mind, or maybe he simply just watched the drops to see where they went. Could he have imagined that those drops were mini-worlds?

I do know that those drops kept Ryan entertained for hours. He quietly observed. He dared to touch a few drops. He quickly dried his fingers. He listened to the rhythm as the rain dripped. Then he repeated the pattern with his own fingers on the ground.

Some people could call this obsessive-compulsive behavior. I would like to think he was learning about his environment.

At this point in my life, I would love to take the time to watch raindrops for longer than a few seconds. Maybe Ryan was onto something much bigger than just watching raindrops. Maybe he found a few moments of peace.

photo credit:tibchris

Patience

We are in the middle of painting--waiting for the new floor to get installed. Maybe this weekend the floor will get done. I have been amazed at how well the boys have adapted to our unpredictable way of life for the last two weeks.

They need more time to accomplish certain tasks, but overall, they have adjusted well. Ryan has adapted the easiest of the youngest three boys. He allows more time to do each task. Nick gets frustrated, but he persists. Cam wants to jam through everything; consequently, a second time is usually required.

Keeping calm is the name of the game. SIGH.

How To Channel and Develop Touch: Sensory Board

Kelly, our occupational therapist, strongly suggested we make a sensory board for the boys. The purpose of this board was to channel their tactile sensitivity. Our goal was to educate them about touch, literally direct their sense of touch. We did not want to desensitize; we did not want to deaden their sense of touch.

Now getting the boys to cooperate was a different matter.

We started simply: a plain piece of white cardboard. We asked the boys to look at it. The boys looked at it. No problem. Then we asked them to touch it. The boys had no problem touching it. Those were huge steps. Each step was followed by praise.

Over the following weeks, we slowly attached different materials to the board, adding only one at a time. Each material had a different surface. We included sand paper, silk, velvet, denim, wool, and plastic. Each piece was about three inches. Each new piece presented trials for each boy.

I touched the material first. I had to show the boys that I would not get hurt. Then I usually did a hand-over-hand with the boys. That means I took their hand and touched the new sample gently. I quickly let their hand go. Then it was up to them to willingly touch. Sometimes it took several attempts over months to get the boys comfortable to touch each sample.

We did not spend a lot of time in this activity. It really was a few minutes three or four times a week. I am not really sure how long it took for the boys to master the "touch" of the board; I think it was a year.

We then ventured into more surfaces, such as wood, sand, metal, and glass. We talked about the uses of each as the boys held the sample. We also cautioned them about the hazards of each.

As they adapted to these new surfaces, we tried going outside. Grass, trees, sidewalks, anything that was in their environment posed tactile problems. So the next step was to introduce more surfaces in a controlled environment: a sensory room. I'll write about our sensory room next time!

How To Change Chaos Into An Adventure

On January 5, I wrote that our water heater broke. Three areas in our house were damaged: the garage, kitchen, and bath room. We had to change our daily routine. We changed how we cooked and where we ate. We relocated many items from our pantry. In short, we had organized chaos, which autistic children do not like. As stated in a previous post, autistic children prefer a predictable routine.

I had to think creatively to ease the transition for Ryan, Nick, and Cameron. For meal times, I suggested we "picnic" on the living room floor. They thought that was really "cool". They spread out towels on the carpet. Plastic forks and paper plates were the rage.

Since we had minimal cooking facilities, we ate via candlelight to complete the "rugged" atmosphere. Fire and flame were also "cool". They each had a turn lighting the candles while I cringed with a water bucket in hand. All went well.

To find items that had to be moved from the pantry, we simply hunted. We never "looked" for an item; we hunted. Again, that really appealed to the primitive conditions of our house. Hunting was "cool".

I had to think outside the box quickly to keep this whole disaster in check. If I could stay calm, the boys had a better chance of staying calm. This was critical. I simply switched from the pessimistic point of view to the optimistic point of view. I was very careful with my words and my tone.

So what started as a nightmare turned into a wonderful adventure.

Beach and Tactile Issues Part 2

Last week we had fun at the beach. Several years ago that was an impossibility. The boys simply could not have handled the sand.

Tactile = anything pertaining to the sense of touch The tactile symptoms of autism can be unique, just as each individual, autistic or not, is unique. Ryan, Nick, and Cameron had various tactile issues. Ryan did not like to be touched. Nick could not handle clothing on his arms and legs, nor shoes on his feet. Cam banged his head on the floor. None of them could tolerate anything gooey or dirty on their skin. None of them could tolerate the feel of denim or anything metal, such as zippers. Really, the only material they could tolerate was cotton. It was quite distressing to figure out what to do in each case. Remember that Ryan was diagnosed with autism at age seven, Nick at age five, and Cam at age two. Since we did not know what we were dealing with, the earlier years for Ryan and Nick were really a struggle. We simply did not hug Ryan much. As I mentioned in an earlier blog post, Ryan would lean back to get out of a hug, and this usually resulted with a dent in a wall. Nick ran around in shorts and t-shirts. Cam usually wore a bike helmet to protect his head. The real progress in their learning to live with "touch" did not start until we had Kelly, an occupational therapist. At first, I thought that meant sending my kids to work, as in to earn a paycheck. I quickly learned that occupational therapy related to the kids and what was a normal activity in which they should be able to participate. The first, big step was shaving cream. It was easy to put on, and easy to wash off. If it got on clothes, it was easily washed out. Kelly put just a little bit on each hand of my boys. Oh, the screeching and hollering that bellowed from my kids, protesting that awful stuff. Poor Kelly. She timed this activity. At first it was simply trying to get the kids to tolerate a minute of shaving cream on their hands. That took about a month to master. Of course, they still screeched and protested. Ryan even jumped around because he did not like it one bit. Kelly rewarded them with spinning or swinging. That gave each boy some down time, time to recover. Obviously, this issue is going to be a mini-series instead of two parts. Next time I'll go into more detail and briefly cover other therapies like the use of horses, sensory room, sensory boards, etc. photo credit: littledan77

I Want To Be In Hot Water!

Today I planned on writing about tactile issues. However, I'm going to write about flexibility with autistic children. This change is born out of necessity of life.

Today our water heater broke. No hot water means cold showers. Yea, right!

Improvise! With autistic children? Yea, right!

One of the "symptoms" of autism is a rigidness about schedules. My 13 year-old Nick and 15 year-old Ryan are no different. They prefer a non-changing schedule, so that they know what is coming next. We usually give them a two-minute warning when they have to stop the current activity, just like football. Even with a warning, there is no guarantee that these kids will adjust willingly (or unwillingly).

This morning Mike and I discovered the "no hot water" problem. I immediately started boiling water in a pan, micro-waving water in a bowl, and heating water in my hot pot from my college days. As the boys woke up, I told them the problem, how it would effect them, and how we would live for the day. I specifically said that the water heater broke, so there was no hot water. Then I said that they could wash their hair in the kitchen sink with my help. They could also take a sponge bath, hospital style. I also emphasized that "no shower" or "no hair washing" simply was not an option.

Nick had to repeat everything I said, but he still was ready to take a normal shower. I had to stop him and remind him that it would be a cold shower. He wanted to take a shower. I decided not to push the issue. In a minute I heard the shower go on. And off. He came out and opted for the hot water-sink option for washing his hair.

Ryan braved the cold shower, but only after I brought in bowls of hot water and left. He decided he could put wash-clothes in the hot water and use them to do his own sponge bath in the shower. Creative. He wanted to be completely independent (which I was totally grateful and thankful that was his wish).

Stuart and Cameron had no problem adjusting.

So here's to the life of hot showers and boiling water. I also understand why plumbers do get paid well!

The Beach and Tactile Issues Part 1

They said they would not get wet. They did not want sand on them. They did not want to put on their bathing suits. I finally persuaded them to put on shorts. I brought towels just in case.

Thirty minutes later we arrived at the beach. Under protest all four of my boys removed their shoes and socks. We walked on the sand towards the water. We dumped our shoes where the tide would not get them wet. Then we continued to the beach.

There was a slight breeze. The sun made the sand warm. It's January, and we're taking the boys to the beach. Crazy?

I was in the water first. I let the water come up to my knees. Cold.

Cameron tested the water with his toes. Brrrr. Nick watched from where we dumped the shoes. Ryan walked into the water and immediately ran out. Stuart carefully ran toward the tides, embracing the waves.

Within ten minutes, the water has lured all of them in, Even Nick. There is just something about the beach, with the waves coming and going, that soothes even my autistic boys. We let the boys have space and did not push them at all. They each entered the water when they were ready. I think the rhythm of the sound really helps them feel at ease.

An hour later the boys were drenched. Keep in mind that our pool at home can be 80 degrees F, and that is "too cold". However, the beach water was below 70 I think, and that was NOT too cold.

One wave hit Ryan, and he fell in the water. The sand on his face did freak him out. I could see the panic in his face, and I immediately wiped it off with my long sleeve. Then he was fine. The boys continued to play, run, and fall in the water. They collected sea shells. They even curled their toes in the sand.

All in all, I bet no one at the beach knew that I was dealing with two boys who could not stand to have dirt or mud on their hands. Ten years ago, this beach trip was only a fantasy. Through lots of tactile therapy, we can now go. The beach is fun!

In part 2 I will go through some steps as to how we overcame severe tactile issues.